This alternate ending picks up the morning after Dorvane and Haldir made their agreement, when Faramir was set free. Remember this is an ALTERNATE ending, so things that happened in the other version of the story, will not be the same. Dorvane does not become a "nice guy" like the first time through.....

Alternate Ending of Darkness and Light:

Faramir's body was bathed in tears as Haldir dressed him, careful not to let him wake. Just before he laced the top of his tunic, the Elf placed a single kiss over his lover's heart. "I wish we could have made love in the moonlight," he whispered. "I know you will never remember me, but here, in your heart of hearts, you will always know, guren, that you are loved." With that, he wiped away the last of his tears and lovingly handed his still sleeping lover over to the one guard who had treated him kindly at the worst of times. When they were out of sight, he was lead to Dorvane's room, where he was told to bathe and wait naked on the bed for his new lover.

Haldir did as he was told; his heart aching and his eyes still red with tears as he bathed. Finally, he realized that he had a part to play...and if Dorvane saw the tears, or found him lacking in any way, then Faramir would pay with his life. He cleaned his face with cold water, took a deep breath, and closed off a part of his heart he never intended to open again. When Dorvane entered his chambers, Haldir was in bed, lying on his side, smiling invitingly at his new master. "I wondered how long I would have to wait," he said softly. "I am here, cleaned and ready, just as you requested."

Dorvane had made arrangements with Saruman to cast the spell as Faramir slept in the early morning hours, though Haldir had been careful not to wake the man, nothing short of a heard of Oliphants would have. The spell would insure the man would remember nothing when he awoke later in the woods.

And true to his word, Dorvane made sure a guard had stayed behind, watching from the trees until Saruman's 'suggestion' to his sleeping brother's mind to travel that part of the forest had taken root. He had held up his end of the bargain beyond what was really necessary but knew that for the Elf seeing the honesty in Dorvane's eyes about the man would insure his loyalty to a degree.

Running his hands through long straight dark hair, Dorvane smiled as his eyes roamed greedily over Haldir's body in the center of his bed. He'd always admired the Elf's body, obsessed over it in the quiet hours of the night. The one prize that he never thought he could get for his own this way and now here he was. And he would be his 'toy' forever. "You look perfect on my bed," he answered as he crossed the room and began unfastening his tunic.

Haldir paled slightly, but was determined to make this work. Faramir's very life was at stake, so he had little choice. The very thoughts of willingly touching Dorvane made him almost physically ill, but...he could do it. He *would* do it, at least for as long as Faramir lived. Then, he hoped he still had the strength to kill Dorvane very, very slowly. His smile didn't look pained at all as he wondered what fresh torture Dorvane had in store for him tonight. He somehow managed, in fact, to look interested. "Then I shall stay on it often," he whispered, "unless you bid me to do otherwise."

Dorvane nodded as he tugged his dark tunic off and regarded the Elf. His answer was exactly what Dorvane wanted to hear though he knew the Elf was merely humoring him to save his lover's skin as well as his own. "That is the idea…you will do what I want, when I want, with no arguing and no fighting me…the Ranger is not so far away he cannot be taken again or killed on the spot. Saruman has spies everywhere, even within the citadel in Gondor," Dorvane answered, reinforcing the situation to Haldir. "Now…finish undressing me."

Gritting his teeth at the reminder of the fragility of Faramir's safety - and his very life - Haldir rose from the bed and felt his already consuming hatred for Dorvane grow impossibly greater. "I know what you can do, Dorvane," he said almost pleasantly as he stopped before the man and began unlacing his breeches. "I will give you no reason to harm him - ever. You have won...and I will make certain you don't regret your decision." His free hand trailed down between his new *lover's* legs and pressed against the already hard flesh there. Gods, how well he knew the feeling of being raped by this man! He wondered if Dorvane would treat a lover differently than a slave, and could only pray that he would show at least a bit of mercy now that Haldir was cooperating. When the laces were free, he knelt on his knees before Dorvane and gently lifted up one leg to remove his boot. "Is this they way you would like me to greet you every day?" he asked, hating the complacent tone in his voice almost as much as he hated Dorvane. "By undressing you?"

Dorvane watched guardedly as Haldir moved toward him, wary of the Elf even though having him to himself like this was exactly what he wanted he wasn't a fool. He knew the Elf could kill him easily and his pact with Saruman to kill the man if anything happened to him was the only thing keeping the Elf from doing so. He reached out and caught Haldir's hair in his hand, twisting as he pulled the Elf's head back to look into his eyes. "Yes, you will greet me like this each day, you will be ready for me or you will get no preparation at all, I think you know that already. You will bathe before I arrive and you will present yourself to me as both my lover and my whore…and in return I will keep my promise, your Ranger will go unharmed and you will not be given to the guards," he growled and pulled Haldir's head back at a more severe angle. "Do *not* give me reason to change those terms….you will not like what will happen."

Haldir's face flushed dark red as Dorvane jerked his head back, the words "my whore" still ringing in his ears and making him think of a thousand different ways he could pay Dorvane back for all he'd done not only to Haldir and Faramir, but to all the other slaves as well. His eyes flashed angrily, but he kept his face perfectly neutral, knowing there would be consequences if he argued with anything Dorvane said. "I...will not give you reason," he said, lowering his eyelids to his 'master' couldn't see the anger he couldn't suppress. Before Faramir, Haldir had often fought, injuring a guard or two, and even Dorvane a few times, but those days were over.

There was a moment of silence, then he carefully began to remove Dorvane's other boot, even though his head was still back at an awkward - and painful - angle. "I will remember your rules, Dorvane, and abide by them. You know that."

Satisfied for the moment, Dorvane released his grip on Haldir's hair and watched the Elf as he continued to undress him. He moved, shifting his body as needed until, aside from the bands on his wrists, he stood completely nude before his 'lover'. "Usually you are now allowed to touch me during our games but I think this can be pleasant, even for you and if not," he said tapping the ring on his finger, "I can always make sure you will be 'up' to the challenge as they say. Now get up…and get on the bed…you will ride me I have never faced you before and I wish to see your eyes as you willingly give yourself to me for the first time."

//Not so willingly, you pig.// Haldir kept his thoughts to himself of course, standing and praying that Dorvane wouldn't use that damnable submission ring he'd worn since his first day as Saruman's slave. He crossed quickly over to the bed and waited at the end for Dorvane to position himself, thankful that at least he'd thought to prepare for this, as he'd doubted his lover would take the time to do so on this 'special' occasion. Knowing he had to make this as pleasurable for Dorvane as possible, he decided now was the best time to ask a few questions. "Do you like to be kissed, or touched, or shall I wait for your order before I do either?" he asked, remembering his last hours with Faramir and feeling his cock stir. It pained him to think of his beloved Ranger, but if he didn't get aroused, Dorvane would use the ring...and *that* would pain him even more.

Dorvane crawled onto the bed and leaned against the headboard against soft pillows as he looked up at the Elf at the bedside and grabbed his hand. "You may touch or kiss me all you like. I enjoyed our kiss yesterday very much," Dorvane admitted and pulled Haldir closer to the bed until the Elf had no choice but to crawl onto it and straddle his body. "You may explore my body all you wish, but do not think you can return any past abuses on me," he raised an eyebrow at that and then took Haldir's hand and placed it on the center of his chest. "And," he said looking down at Haldir's still flaccid sex, "you *will* become hard for me or I will find other ways to make you. I know I am not an entirely unpleasant man to look at, at least you didn't end up with the orc captain who runs the other camp."

The Man had a point, Haldir conceded. If he could push away the cruelty and malice, the need to hurt and the vicious laughter when his needs were met, then no, Dorvane was not an unpleasant man to look at. He had long, straight hair that was black as coal and hung just past his shoulders, olive skin and eyes that were as dark as midnight. "No, you are not an unpleasant man to look at, at all," he agreed, leaning forward and forcing himself to gently suck on Dorvane's nipple. His hand slid between them and he quickly began stroking himself, holding his breath in fear of the submission ring thrumming to life without warning to either the arousal frequency - or, more likely, the painful one. Thankfully, his own touch made the softened organ stir and begin to fill, and he breathed a sigh of relief, hoping he had pleased the Man. "You are quite handsome, Dorvane, and I will be hard for you anytime you wish."

None of the slaves were allowed to touch him in such a manner so it had been many years since anyone had kissed his chest that way or toyed with the sensitive nubs. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to be touched rather than the one doing the touching. He smiled a little when Haldir spoke of him being handsome and he nodded. "Then you will be hard for me often," he said with a slight grin as his hands rose to dip into silky golden hair. He had always admired Haldir's hair, finding it truly beautiful in such a dark place and it was the exact opposite of his own darker complexion and hair. He tugged Haldir forward by his hair, kissing him roughly and deeply, not really meaning to be rough just not accustomed to offering anything more than that to anyone. The flavor was exactly as it had been the day before and something Dorvane knew he would want often. He held no delusions that the Elf enjoyed his kiss or his touch but he knew he would never risk the Ranger's life. Drawing away, Dorvane's eyes looked into Haldir's unwavering gaze. "I am not a patient man, Haldir," he warned letting the Elf know that foreplay wasn't what he was interested in.

The kiss seemed to make something in Haldir die as he tried not to compare Dorvane's mouth with Faramir's. He made a mental effort to push all thoughts of Faramir away. It was the only way he could survive, at least when he was with Dorvane like this. His lips were bruised and swollen when they finally pulled away, and he understood the thinly veiled threat at once. "I'm sorry," he said softly as he reached onto the nightstand for the small vial of oil sitting there, wincing as he realized just how little of it there was. He carefully poured the few precious drops onto his hand, hoping there was still enough coating his entrance from when he'd prepared himself. A few strokes to his lover's flesh later, he was holding onto the headboard with one hand and lining himself up with the other. Despite himself, the sensation of his body's being breeched made his cock hard and by the time Dorvane was fully seated inside him, Haldir had accepted that those earlier worlds he'd dwelled on were true. He truly was Dorvane's whore.

Dorvane watched in silence as the Elf reached to the nightstand for the oil and only reacted slightly when Haldir stroked the slick substance onto his arousal. He let the Elf control this to a point, let him move over him and slowly take in his stiff flesh, he bit back the desire to slam into the willing body choosing instead to let Haldir have some minor semblance of control this time. He wouldn't get it often so Dorvane thought he was being rather 'nice'. Though once the back of Haldir's thighs rested against his own, Dorvane gripped his hips in a tight, almost punishing grip as he lifted the Elf's body and began to move him, not waiting for Haldir's body to adjust to the initial intrusion, as he had said he was an impatient man. His own hips shifted under the Elf, and his mouth captured a dark nipple in his teeth as they began to set an erratic pace.

Haldir whimpered as Dorvane began moving before his muscles had fully expanded, but then again, what had he expected? The man had never been gentle, and though he hadn't been beaten yet, he'd only officially been Dorvane's lover for a few hours. Judging from the way he was being taken so roughly, the rest was only a matter of time. A few thrusts hit his sweet spot, however, and Haldir bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out in a mad mixture of both pleasure and pain. He'd had pins and clamps and even needles applied to his nipples, but other than Faramir's gentle kisses, Haldir hadn't felt the pleasure of their stimulation in many years, though he half expected Dorvane to bite down hard at any moment.

After a few dozen thrusts, his body had adjusted and the Elf spread his legs wider and tried to meet Dorvane thrust for thrust, thankful that at least he was still hard between them. Having grown so used to the pain, it took quite a bit to dull his erection, to his utter shame.

Dorvane nipped roughly at the nipple in his mouth, and then released it to look up into Haldir's eyes and noticed he was biting his lip. "Do not hold back your cries…I want to hear them I want to *know* I am the reason for them," Dorvane growled as his mouth went to the other nipple then, biting harder hoping to elicit the sounds he just said he wished to hear even as he continued to slam up into his 'lover's' body. As always Haldir's passage was tight around him, driving him to the edge quickly but he was well accustomed to holding back for hours even if he truly wanted to. His fingers dug into the Elf's hips even deeper, leaving dark marks against pale flesh that he would enjoy admiring later.

Having little choice in the matter, Haldir gasped as an especially deep thrust pierced him and sharp teeth bit down on his nipple. There hadn't been enough oil, and already his entrance felt too warm from the friction, but rather than holding back and trying to cover his pain as he often had in the past, he let his moans and soft cries fill the room - sounds of both pleasure and pain as he was held in place and slammed into. One hand rested on the headboard and the other stroked at his own leaking flesh, knowing that he couldn't come until and *if* Dorvane gave permission. "Gods,," he managed as ten sharp fingernails bit into the skin at his hips leaving first bruises, and then cuts; ten small drops of blood welling up around them.

Feeling his arousal grow even more as the small drops of blood welled under his fingernails, Dorvane moaned and buried his face against Haldir's neck, biting and sucking at the warm flesh there. He was close to the edge and knew that he had Haldir to do this with anytime he liked, day or night, no showing off for the guards, just him with his own private slave. He let go then, murmuring against his neck. "Come for me," he growled low even as he thrust deep one last time, angling his hips and knowing that despite any discomfort the Elf was feeling he would take pleasure in this. With that he spilled hotly inside his lover, crying out himself as tight muscles milked his flesh.

Haldir shuddered with both disgust and pleasure. He truly hated that Dorvane could make him come, but eight years of conditioning had made certain that he responded to the man's voice as surely as he did the ring wrapped around his sex. He knew the punishment of not following orders all too well. His hand tightened on his arousal and he saw stars behind his eyelids as he came as well. His body clenched around Dorvane and his cock pulsed, covering Dorvane's chest with his release. Inner muscles caressed and squeezed Dorvane's arousal, contracting and massaging as the Elf rode out his orgasm, rocking slightly so his lover's cock rubbed perfectly on his prostate.

Dorvane was smiling against sweat slick skin as he felt Haldir come for him, his release splashing between their bodies as the Elf continued to rock against him and ride out his pleasure. Leaning back, he rested against the pillows behind him and smiled knowing that the Elf hated that Dorvane could make him come undone that way. "Now that wasn't so bad now was it?" he asked after a moment. He lifted Haldir from his lap and practically dropped him on the bed beside him as he reached for a towel on the nightstand. "Clean yourself," he said handing the towel to Haldir and taking another for himself to wipe off his chest and cock. "I'll have the guards bring dinner," he said not even looking at Haldir as he got up from the bed and pulled on a robe.

Used and cast aside. That's how Haldir felt, though far better to feel that way than to have to pretend to crave or enjoy Dorvane's embrace. He cleaned himself, wincing as the rough towel rubbed over his now irritated entrance and swallowed back his pride once again. He had no doubt he would be taken many times within the next few hours and he was practically about to announce as much to the guards. "Dorvane...," He waited for his lover to turn around and made his voice as soothing as possible. "Might we also ask them to bring more oil? Just in case we need it later?"

Dorvane filled a glass of water for himself and then realized he had manners at one time in his life. He glanced over at Haldir and poured him a glass as well as he turned and handed it to him. "Oil?" he asked after a moment and then blinked. "Oh…yes, I suppose if you need it. You might even ask for some of that salve you kept in your quarters too since these rooms have nothing like that. I suppose we did offer the slaves at least those luxuries and you are in a more elevated position than that now so I suppose it is only fitting. Just tell the guard at the door what you want…these are my rooms and you are *my* lover. So if you have need of things just ask a guard," he said then drank down his water. He paused for a moment. "And if they give you trouble of any sort…you tell me and they will be punished. They know you are not to be touched but I do not trust any of them well."

Haldir took the glass, surprised that it was even offered, and took a sip, trying to tell himself that things wouldn't get any worse than they had been just moments ago. He'd been taken unprepared many times, with little or no lubricant, but at least he hadn't been forced to submit to the "toys" Dorvane took so much pleasure in, hadn't been bound in any way, and, thank the Valar, the ring hadn't been used. Wondering if the could be *that* lucky, he nodded and shifted on the bed, feeling Dorvane's release dripping along his inner thigh. Quickly wiping it away, he decided to simply ask. "Will I be needing a lot of the salve, Dorvane? And should I ask them to bring some healing herbs, or...or will things be this way from now on?"

Dorvane looked up at Haldir and frowned. "If you think you'll need them you likely will, being my lover changes nothing, Haldir. I think you know what I enjoy the most," he said offering a small smile. "You won't always have to submit to those things but…my tastes are varied and it will depend on my mood I suppose. The only comfort you have I suppose is that once I am done with you, no one else will be taking you after me."

The Elf hung his head for a moment, then looked back up at Dorvane, giving him a half smile. "Aye, I know what your tastes are," he said softly. "I simply didn't know if they had changed when I went from being your slave to your lover or not. " He shrugged, then slipped off the bed, unsure of just how formal or proper he should be. At the very least, he could hope to soften Dorvane a bit in the coming years by hiding his hatred well and playing his role to perfection. "I will be glad not to have the guards touch me though. They unfortunately, are not as attractive as you by any stretch of the imagination."

Dorvane found himself grinning when Haldir complimented him knowing the Elf hated the fact that Dorvane, despite all his cruelty was a handsome man. It made things easier he supposed; at least the Elf could stand the sight of him, as opposed to many of the guards. "My tastes are not at issue here really, you are to do anything and everything I ask you to do, with no fighting and no arguing so you see," Dorvane said as he crossed the room to Haldir and took the Elf's chin in his hand, "my dear, Elf, you should not worry with thinking or wondering because it is not your place to do so. You will do what I want, when I want…no matter what it is I ask of you. *That* was our agreement." Dorvane leaned closer to brush his lips against Haldir's ear, he could feel the Elf tense, still wary of the man and he smiled. "And you will never know from day to day what I might crave…but I can assure you that I will always crave you in one way or another. You never had a doubt about that now did you?" he whispered nipping roughly at the tip of the Elf's ear, knowing that was a sensitive part of his body.

Haldir yelped and gritted his teeth, forcing himself not to move as sharp teeth bit down on his ear. Gods, he hated this vile, arrogant man, hated him more than he ever believed possible. So trying to be nice wasn't going to help him at all, that much was evident. Gods, if only he could fight back, could say something, could make Dorvane feel just a sliver of the agony and humiliation he and the other slaves had felt over the years. Thoughts of Faramir's innocent face filled his mind however, and calmed him. Though Dorvane may see it otherwise, Haldir felt as if *he* had won, because Faramir was safe. When Dorvane released him, Haldir pulled away, smiling coldly. "Aye. That was why I knew you would not pass up this chance to have me. You have wanted me since the day your men captured me. You have never been able to conceal the lust in your eyes when you look at me, Dorvane."

Dorvane grinned when Haldir yelped and he drew away, nodding as the Elf spoke. "This is very true…I have wanted this for quite some time, Haldir. But do not confuse my desire to have you with mercy or even love. I want you, nothing more than that and nothing less. You may call yourself my lover but I will never love…so do not get ideas that you can make me into something I cannot be. Love like you have for that Ranger is not something I can allow myself to have ever again," painful memories flashed through his mind for only a moment before Dorvane looked away. "I know you think I am a horrible man and you'd be right, but at least I will allow you freedom inside these rooms…there can always, *always* be a worse fate for you…so be grateful for what you *have* rather than what you don't." With that Dorvane crossed to the door and asked a guard to bring them dinner and some of the salves, oils, and herbs that were normally given to the slaves.

Moving away, Haldir pulled a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around himself, then sat by the window, wondering where Faramir was and if he still bore any of the marks even the most powerful of spells couldn't remove. When Dorvane finished with his orders to the guards, the Elf turned toward him, wondering who he'd loved and why it had made him so cruel and unfeeling. "I have no illusions of making you love me, Dorvane," he said conversationally. "I would rather slit my own wrists. I was merely trying to make the best out of the situation, but obviously, there is no point in doing that." He shrugged and tugged the blanket closer around him. "So...I must pretend that I want you when we have sex, and I must not argue with anything you say or do. Those are the rules. Otherwise, when sex or your 'games' are not involved, am I free to speak my mind or is my silence part of the rules as well?"

When Dorvane was finished with the guard, he saw Haldir sitting at the window, looking out almost longingly and it made jealousy flare in him. The same jealousy that had caused him to have the Ranger put on the wheel that day. He frowned deeply as he listened to the Elf and cringed when he said he would slit his own wrists rather than make Dorvane love him. His own eyes dropped to the bands around his wrists, covering what he had done to himself all those years ago because of love. The very idea angered him and he crossed the room yanking the Elf out of his chair roughly by his arm and slapping him actually harder than intended but fueled by the pain of his own past. Of course the Elf had no way of knowing why Dorvane wore those wristbands or how he came to be in Saruman's service all those years ago. "You should be careful about speaking your mind, Elf…as it does not seem conducive to keeping your pretty hide from being bruised," he seethed.

Haldir's hands clenched into fists at his side, but he made no move to use them. It would be a test in patience for him over the coming years he knew, especially when he could so easily have simply killed Dorvane, or broken every bone in his body. He should have been used to this after eight long years, he knew, and of all times, *now* was not the time to let his anger get the best of him. "I see," he said, not moving away, but lifting one hand to rub against the now red bruise on his cheek. "You want a silent lover, except for the screams of pain or moans of pleasure." He lifted his eyes and met Dorvane's gaze. "Noted for future reference." His voice was not quite mocking as he spoke, but not exactly reverent either. Still, his words were true, and Dorvane, even in his current mood, wouldn't likely say much about him telling the truth.

Dorvane's eyes flashed when Haldir spoke, not nearly as subdued, as he should have been given the situation. Gods, the Elf was stubborn but then…that was part of what had attracted him to the creature. Dorvane grinned just a little. "Screams of pain, moans of pleasure, and perhaps occasional conversation…I will not mind that, discussion of a book or something along those lines but I will not have you talking to me as if I am beneath you, which you often do, Elf. And I will not have you sitting around moping and staring out the window for a lover you will never see again, is that clear?" Dorvane added shaking Haldir slightly as if to punctuate his point. "I want no mention of that Ranger again beyond this day and if I find you staring wistfully out the window again, mark my words the Ranger will be the one who pays for it."

Blue eyes were instantly shuttered as Haldir realized Dorvane had seen him at the window. He was being foolish. He'd given his life to keep Faramir safe, and now he was pushing Dorvane only a few hours after their agreement had taken affect. He knew, without a doubt, all the various ways Faramir would *pay* for his own transgressions. He didn't fight as strong hands shook him. Instead, he looked down and nodded. "Aye, Dorvane. You have made yourself clear. I will not mention him, and I will do anything and everything you ask. I am..." Gods, this was difficult, humiliating himself like this, but he needed to get used to it. His hand slowly caressed Dorvane's arm, a gentle breeze in the midst of an angry storm. "I am sorry, Dorvane. Please forgive me. It will not happen again."

When Haldir looked down and then touched his arm so gently, Dorvane relaxed a little, his grip loosening slightly as the Elf placated his anger. "You are forgiven this time…but do not push me Haldir," he warned as he released the Elf and then caressed his cheek a move in direct contrast to his former touch. "You are so very beautiful that I would hate to be forced to destroy that as well as your lover," he whispered coldly before drawing away again when the guard knocked on the door. His mood shifted easily, used to having to control all of his various emotions particularly around Saruman. "There is a robe in the chest, put it on and join me at the table."

Apparently, Haldir thought, Dorvane was going to use his threat against Faramir often. At least with him gone for much of the day attending to his duties, Haldir would have some time alone. Though he knew it would do him no good, he planned on spending those hours imagining Faramir's life back in Gondor. They had talked often of his home and his family, and though it made Haldir's heart ache to know that Faramir would never remember the love they shared, at least he could go on to find his happiness.

The Elf nodded and opened the chest Dorvane gestured to, then quickly put on his robe and sat as he'd been directed, waiting for further instructions.

Dorvane brought the tray to the table and then set the salve and other items on a small sideboard. "There, now you have your herbs and salve and oil and if you need more just ask a guard," he said conversationally. "We will bathe after dinner…" he announced as he poured wine for them both. "I do not need you to serve me as a servant, I am quite capable of bathing or dressing myself…or pouring my own wine," he grinned as he saw the surprise in Haldir's eyes. "But I would like you to bathe with me…I think you might even come to at least enjoy that a little. I know you think you will hate everything about this situation but some things might be pleasurable and you might as well take enjoyment in what pleasure you can find I'd think."

Dorvane did have a point, Haldir supposed. It seemed there would be very little pleasure in the coming months, so he should do his best to accept the situation, though he tried not to look at the salve and herbs, knowing that he would be needing them soon enough. "Aye. You are right, Dorvane. I will find enjoyment in some things I'm sure." //That's it...tell him what he wants to hear. It's better for everyone involved that way, yourself included.// He wanted to ask if, since he had a much stronger hold over Haldir than ever before, the submission ring would still be used, but he had a sneaking suspicion that he already knew the answer to that. Dorvane might not need it to control Haldir any longer, but he would take pleasure in using it just for fun. Biting back a sigh, the Elf looked at their food, having no appetite whatsoever, but knowing it wouldn't be wise to say as much.

Dorvane watched the Elf as he began to serve himself and smiled at his answer. "There…now that wasn't so hard to admit now was it?" the man grinned as he began to eat. It would be easy to control the Elf at least, the submission ring coupled with the Elf's fear of what could be done to the Ranger would insure that. Too bad he'd had to wait so many years for this to happen. It seemed funny in a way to the man, poetic almost…Haldir's downfall was love just as Dorvane's own downfall had been.

~~*~~

The day had not gone well. Saruman had visited the 'farm' and his visits were never pleasant. Dorvane took out most of his anger and pain on three slaves that afternoon and bathed in a chamber off of his office so that Haldir would not see the blood and ask questions. Though the Elf did a good job of it most times, keeping his thoughts to himself for the most part, Dorvane knew the Elf wouldn't resist asking about the blood. So Dorvane made it no issue at all. He was tired but refused to show any sort of weakness to the Elf. When he arrived back at his chambers he was earlier than normal, and every day the Elf was freshly bathed and ready for him when he arrived. Today when he walked in he found the Elf in the tub.

"Making yourself ready for me?" he asked as he took off his cloak.

Haldir had heard the familiar, hated footsteps making their way down the hallway, but knew he didn't have enough time to get out of the bath and dry himself. As soon as the door opened, he pushed all thoughts of his earlier daydreams of Faramir away and smiled as pleasantly as he could at Dorvane. "Aye," he nodded, sitting up straighter and reaching for his towel. He hadn't had time to *fully* prepare himself, but he didn't dare do it now, with Dorvane standing there. "I was just finishing up. Would you like me to leave the bath for you, or heat some water and draw you a new one?"

"Stay," Dorvane said holding up his hand as he crossed to the tub. "Don't get out, just finish what you were doing. You haven't even washed your hair yet," Dorvane said almost kindly as he grabbed a small stool and sat down. "I like watching you," he admitted. His own arms were still aching from Saruman's spells but he was trying to focus on Haldir rather than the pain he was in.

"I..." Haldir bit back his words and nodded. Dorvane's voice was relatively mild, but *something* - anger or pain or frustration - seemed to radiate from him in waves. Whatever it was, it made Haldir wish very much that he'd gotten out of the water long ago. "Very well." He slid forward, held on to the sides of the tub and started to dip his head back under the water. For some reason, however, it didn't seem like the best idea. "I'm sorry I wasn't ready. I didn't expect you until dinnertime, Dorvane. I will make sure it doesn't happen again."

Watching Haldir, Dorvane found himself fascinated by the way that Haldir's hair spread out in the water. So beautiful…he was beautiful and *his*. Saruman had threatened today to take his pet away if he didn't make sure the troops stayed happy. It was difficult to make any of them happy with the way the war was turning, no amount of slaves could solve that but yet Saruman charged him with it. Why was it *his* job? There were other farms? Why was it so important that *Dorvane* be the one? But Dorvane was the only one that Saruman had such utter and complete control over. Anger began to flare inside him and when the Elf's eyes closed, somehow Dorvane's anger just doubled. As if the Elf was shutting him out and thinking of something or worse some*one* else entirely, likely that Ranger. Within moments, Dorvane's hands were around Haldir's throat and he was pushing him under the water, watching as blue eyes snapped open in fear.

Caught completely off guard though he *had* felt as if something was wrong, Haldir's mouth filled with water and he swallowed reflexively. His hands had slipped from the side of the tub when Dorvane and pushed him back, and his fingers were slick with soap and oils as he struggled with the hands around his neck. His legs kicked, finding no purchase, and he drug in another mouthful of water. He had no idea what he'd done to cause Dorvane's anger, and in the back of his mind, he *knew* he wasn't suppose to struggle, but Gods...Dorvane was trying to kill him! His hands slid over the long fingers around his neck, but they were still too slick and with every passing second, his strength drained and he became weaker.

Just as suddenly as the anger overwhelmed him, Dorvane realized what he was doing and realized that the Elf was starting to struggle less. He jerked him back up out of the water and shook him hard, "Who were you thinking of? I saw the look on your face….you will *only* think of me….I'm half tempted to have Saruman erase your memories too!" He shouted angrily, though everything he thought he had seen was imagined he was certain Haldir had been thinking of the Ranger again. His hands moved to grasp Haldir's upper arms and he jerked him bodily out of the tub, his strength fueled even more by anger from his imagined 'slight' as he slung the still breathless Elf over the end of the bed. "You will *only* think of me if I have to carve my name into your very skin," he growled.

Gagging and coughing up the water in his lungs, Haldir struggled to breathe even as he was flung across the bed. His lungs burned and his entire body felt sluggish as he tried to draw in air, but managed to accomplish little other than inciting a new round of coughing out mouthful after mouthful of water. The words registered in his mind as Dorvane yelled at him, and when he finally managed to draw in a bit of air, he tried to explain. Of all things, he didn't want this man's name on his skin, but to loose his memory of Faramir...//No. Anything but that. Anything...// "I was..." He gagged again, and his lungs seemed to gurgle with the water he'd aspirated. "I wasn't thinking of him. I was just tired and getting ready to prepare myself for you, Dorvane." Air finally began to replace the water in his lungs, though he was still coughing. "I was wondering how you would take me tonight, and remembering what you said about finding pleasure when if was offered. But I...I wasn't thinking of him!" It was a complete and utter lie, but Haldir thought he did a good job of telling it, even as he continued with his struggle to breathe. "Please...don't take my memory away, Dorvane. If you did, I wouldn't remember why I was here, and...and I might fight back and do something we both would regret."

"Tired? What do you have to be tired about? You lay around these rooms all day waiting on me to return….*what* do you have to be tired about!" Dorvane screamed angrily as he tore off his own clothes. He paused only when the Elf began to beg to keep his memory and that alone inflamed his anger even more. He jerked the Elf up until his backside was high in the air and shoved his face hard against the bed. "Stay there, do not struggle or you will only make this worse for yourself," he commanded harshly against Haldir's ear. With his clothing stripped off now, Dorvane went to a chest and withdrew a wooden paddle and exchanged the slave rings he wore for Haldir's ring. As soon as it was on his finger he turned it up rapidly, sending a spike of pain through Haldir and eliciting a scream from him. Dorvane then turned it back slowly until it was at the level that would arouse the Elf rather than hurt him. "If I do not take your memories then you will not keep using them to hide, I do not believe you, Elf. I think you are lying when you say you were not thinking of him. You promised you would no longer do that and you have broken that promise. Now, I'll remind you what happens when you break promises to me."

Haldir lay shaking on the bed, knowing what was to come. He could breathe a bit easer now, and though he wanted to stand and expand his lungs, he didn't dare. The pain between his legs was just as it was every time Dorvane used the ring - utter agony that made his cock and balls feel as if they would explode. His hands fisted in the blankets and he buried his face in the pillow, panting as the pain finally dimmed. Even before the pain had fully disappeared, he felt the familiar setting of the ring's arousal mode, and moments later, his still aching cock began to fill and harden.

During the time he was in the slave's quarters, he had seldom allowed himself the luxury of tears, always knowing that one day, after he was sure his brothers had sailed, he might be able to free himself, but now, it seemed he had no hope left. "I'm sorry, Dorvane," he whispered, knowing it was too late for apologies. "I wasn't...I didn't....I was only tired..." Biting back his tears, he stopped begging and waited for his punishment to begin, feeling vulnerable and alone, forgotten by all who loved him and living with a mad man who wanted to do nothing more than see him hurt.

Dorvane listened to the Elf's pleading and sneered at him. "You have no reason to be tired!" he snapped again. His anger overriding his own exhaustion from everything he had endured that day for Saruman. The Elf did not know what it was to be *tired*, he thought grimly as the paddle came down hard on his backside. "I will teach you to think of *only me*," he snapped as the paddle came down hard against the other cheek, both of them now already starting to pink. The paddle continued to come down hard against Haldir's still wet flesh, and anytime the Elf shifted away or slipped on the edge of the bed, Dorvane grabbed him and pulled him back up, forcing him up onto his toes to keep his backside presented properly. Dorvane continued blow after blow until the Elf's backside was a bright angry red.

The first blows hurt, but the subsequent ones felt as if someone was holding a flame to his skin. Haldir bit back his cries for as long as he could, but before long, he was crying out each time the paddle came down on his abused skin. There was no healing spell over these rooms, and so he was already scarred from the whips and floggers and sore from other punishments both for infractions he had committed and for ones he hadn't. His backside was swollen and so tender even breathing across it hurt, so the wooden paddle was a fresh agony each time it was brought down by Dorvane's strong warrior's arms. He was still aroused, to his own disgust, however, the ring still thrumming and sending slight bursts of pleasure to the very tip of his cock and the base of his balls and he wondered if this would be the night Dorvane would finally somehow manage to kill him. //You foolish Elf...if you let yourself die, or fade, he will bring Faramir back here to take your place! You learned to deal with the pain before, you need only to adjust to this new level of pain and this anger he seems to carry so often these days!//

Seeing that the Elf's backside was sufficiently blistered enough and his own arm was beginning to ache, Dorvane threw the paddle across the room, shattering a vase that sat on a low shelf. His hands grabbed at the heated flesh of Haldir's backside and parted the globes roughly as he positioned himself against him. There was some lubrication from the fluid leaking from Dorvane's arousal and the oils that Haldir had used in the bathwater but not nearly enough as Dorvane pushed forward hard, breeching the tight confines and not waiting for Haldir's body to adjust. He simply began to pound into him, holding his hips steady with a bruising grip. "Who is your lover now?" he growled as he jerked Haldir's body flush against his own, forcing himself even deeper inside him. "Who?"

As Dorvane forced his way inside, Haldir was brought to a whole new, but sadly familiar level of pain. He offered no resistance, however, other than a defeated whimper when Dorvane began to move within him. After the first thrust, his way was made a bit easier by Haldir's own blood. He was limp and shivering in the man's arms, not allowing himself even the slightest struggle as he was suddenly jerked upright and the thick length moved even further inside, bruising his inner muscles as well as his skin. Each thrust was torture, as was each slap of Dorvane's skin over the Elf's now glowing backside. "You, Dorvane," he whispered hoarsely. "You are my lover...my only lover."

The Elf did not resist him at all as he continued to pound into his body. Dorvane was mad with the need for release and the blood that now trickled down the inside of Haldir's thigh. He'd thought of course that he had worn off Saruman's hold on him as he'd taken the slaves that afternoon but it had not been nearly enough. Now he was punishing Haldir too…as he briefly came back to himself he realized he had no excuse for it that he could give the Elf. Only another torture coupled with others. He did not stop even as the realization came to him what he was really doing. Within moments the tight heat of Haldir's body began to send Dorvane over the edge. He reached down and tugged at the piercing that offered so much pleasure, knowing the submission ring was keeping Haldir hard and just at the edge. He angled his thrust slightly as his hand moved to wrap around Haldir's shaft and he stroked the Elf as he himself cried out and spilled hot and slick inside him.

For so long, there was nothing but pain as Dorvane used him. In the midst of that pain, however, the piercing that had so tortured him in the beginning now offered him pleasure and a means of relief, bringing Haldir close to the edge himself in nearly no time at all. He was surprised at the gesture, since sometimes Dorvane would not all him his release at all, but this time, he was actually grateful. Anything to take his mind off the pain that seemed ready to overwhelm him. He was leaned back against his lover, legs spread wide, while one of Dorvane's hands tugged at the piercing and the other stroked him, and though he hated himself for it, though it made him feel dirty and used, and just like the whore he was, Haldir came hard, his seed pulsing onto the bed and over Dorvane's fingers just as Dorvane's own release filled his passage. He moaned loudly in both pleasure and pain, now trembling violently, but was afraid to move, fearing that Dorvane's anger might still be just below the surface.

Dorvane was panting heavily when he finally pulled away from Haldir, not doing so gently by any means and before the Elf could fall to the floor as he looked ready to do, he simply picked him up and took a few steps back to the tub. The water was probably cold by now as he unceremoniously dropped the Elf there. "Clean yourself," he snapped as he grabbed a towel and wiped release from his hand and blood and semen from himself. He had lost every bit of control he had, normally he could keep control on his anger and emotions but this time he'd snapped and had very nearly killed Haldir. Saruman would have loved that, he already wanted to take Haldir from him and then to have Dorvane do it himself would have just been perfect. He closed his eyes for a moment, running his hand over his face and then quickly redressed. "Dinner will be sent," he bit out the words as he went to the door, not even looking back at Haldir before he disappeared into the halls. He wasn't sure where he was going but for the moment he couldn't even look at the Elf. Dorvane wasn't even sure what he felt at the moment…guilt or remorse were not things he was familiar with and he was not going to let them fester within him now. So he told himself the only reason he felt so strange was that he'd lost control of his temper and almost killed the one thing he'd wanted for years.

Haldir's long hair hid his face as he looked down into the cold water surrounding him. He had been in so much pain, his body seemed numb, even his still burning backside as it hit the bottom of the tub. Stunned into silence, for Dorvane was often violent, but usually with reason and not normally *this* bad, he simply kept his head down and waited for the door to close as his lover left. He wanted the luxury of a few more tears, or to simply wrap his arms around his knees and close his eyes, but he didn't dare; not tonight. Instead, he moved with painful slowness, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood as he turned on his side and cleaned his entrance, then used the water in the buckets on the floor to wash his hair. He jumped at every sound, and moved as quickly as he could, but he hurt too badly to move very fast.

By the time he was finished, Dorvane thankfully hadn't returned yet. Haldir slipped on his robe and gingerly lay on his side on the bed, calling out for the guard who knocked to bring their dinner in and set it by the fire. The guard didn't look at him, and Haldir, who normally didn't even acknowledge the guards either, suddenly felt the need to just be *seen*. "Thank you," he said softly, prompting the guard to jerk his head up and look at him in surprise. Before he could respond, however, the Elf curled up on the bed, closed his eyes, and was asleep before the guard left the room. His last thought, despite everything he'd just been through was of Faramir, wherever he might be. //Good night, my sweet Ranger. I love you.//

Dorvane stayed away for hours that evening, pouring over requisitions for the troops and other various tasks he usually put off after Saruman's visits. He did not feel badly for what he did, at least he kept telling himself that. The Elf was *his* and he was certain he'd been thinking of that Ranger. But what did it matter if he thought of him or not? He would never see him again and the Ranger did not remember the Elf so why did it bother him so much? He argued with himself for hours before returning to his chambers. When he walked in he found Haldir on his side and even cringed when he saw how much blood stained a side of the tub. He sighed heavily and moved over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it careful not to wake the Elf. "I should not have done that, but it is too late now…" he whispered softly, knowing the Elf was asleep. He got off the bed and undressed and then slipped into it quietly. He did not try to pull Haldir close, knowing his body was likely sore and not wanting to make it worse than he already had. At one time Dorvane had been a good and honorable man but that man was long dead now. He went to sleep beside the Elf though his sleep was less than sound.

Haldir awoke to the sound of Dorvane's footsteps and braced himself for another punishment. He kept his eyes closed however, and curled in on himself even more just before the door opened. Biting his tongue when Dorvane sat down beside him, he nevertheless didn't stir and was shocked at the words that were whispered with what sounded like regret. There was no response needed, thankfully, and when Dorvane crawled into bed, Haldir prayed that he wouldn't try and touch him....not tonight of all nights, not after all that had happened.

As he lay silently beside his lover hours later, the Elf was pleased that Dorvane's sleep wasn't peaceful. He didn't deserve peace, not even for one night, not even for one hour.
~~*~~

Dorvane was somewhat easier with Haldir in the following days after what happened in the bathtub; though he was not kind he was merely somewhat gentler than he usually was. It was not his nature to be kind really and he certainly wasn't but in those few days following his loss of control he worked harder at being more in control of himself. As time passed they settled back into the routine that Saruman's visit had disrupted.

This night, Haldir was bound to the bed, his body spread across it beautifully both arms bound to the headboard. Dorvane had considered having one of the crosses brought from the slave rooms but the bed worked just as well and he liked the feeling of Haldir's legs wrapped around him.

Haldir had not put up any sort of fight at all when he'd been ordered to the bed. The Elf looked tired and in the last days Dorvane had begun to notice that the scars on the Elf's body were not fading as quickly as before. He merely wrote it off as him being so often rough with him and not being able to sleep well from the pain coupled with the Elf having such pale skin. After all it had been over 8 years since the Elf had felt the sunlight let alone seen it more than through the sealed windows.

Various items were spread on the side of the bed, Dorvane giving himself options depending on what mood struck him as he straddled his 'lover's' body. His hands ran down the Elf's torso, the submission ring assuring him that the Elf at least felt desire as he reached for the tiny golden clamps. He loved toying with Haldir's nipples, loved pinching and biting them, sometimes alternating them with gentle licks that caused the Elf to gasp with passion even if he didn't want to his body reacted and that was all Dorvane needed though the Elf had been a good actor. Despite how cruel Dorvane could be, Haldir had worked to pretend well. He leaned forward and licked at the tiny nubs until they were hard and then attached the tiny clamps one by one. "Perfect," he murmured.

Haldir's back arched up off the bed as the tiny teeth of the clamps bit into sensitive skin. Dorvane knew just how to use the vicious little toys, tightening them until Haldir was almost at his pain threshold, then giving them one extra turn of the screw beyond that, assuring that the Elf would feel a burning pain across his chest until the clamps were removed - then the pain would intensify tenfold for a few moments as Dorvane tormented his nipples even more. It was getting more and more difficult for Haldir to even pretend to want this man who held so much power over him, but he did manage - *had* managed for months now.

Moaning softly as the clamps bit into him, he could only hope Dorvane would have mercy and not use the small weights that attached to them, or the golden chain that hooked to his submission ring, making each movement of the stiff flesh between his legs tug painfully on his sore nipples. He knew Dorvane relished the anticipation, however, so he resisted the urge to look on the table beside them, instead simply looking up at Dorvane and shifting on the bed, trying in vain to alleviate the pain from the clamps.

Dorvane saw the flash of pain as he'd tightened the last clamp and only smiled. "It'll ease soon enough, pet," he assured, knowing that the pain would numb after a while, especially once they started and he made sure the submission ring was at the proper setting. Pain then would turn to pleasure for the Elf and Haldir would be begging Dorvane to take him.

Slowly he moved, attaching the small chains that ran from each nipple to the center of Haldir's torso and through a small loop where they joined to form a single chain downward that was attached to the submission ring itself. Dorvane himself was already hard just from the sight of his lover that way and he twisted the ring on his finger just a little until he saw Haldir shiver. He reached over to the edge of the bed and chose a long slender phallus and because of the type of material it was made of he went ahead and slicked it. Something he rarely did for Haldir but he did not need blood today and he didn't feel like dealing with the mess tonight. He leaned down and brushed his lips against Haldir's. "See…I can be kind sometimes," he whispered knowing that the setting that the ring was on was one that was quite pleasurable and knowing that Haldir would be surprised by his small concession of the oil tonight.

Though he hid it well, Dorvane's kisses always made Haldir's stomach recoil in horror. In the past decade, he had kissed only two men - Faramir and Dorvane, and there was simply no comparison in the way they tasted, or felt, or made him feel. Dorvane could force Haldir's passion and his compliance, but only Faramir could elicit those same reactions by his kisses and touch alone.

As the hated chains attached to the ring around his cock, Haldir whimpered softly, knowing that when the phallus was inserted, his cock would move, and the pain in his nipples that was just starting to become bearable would start all over again. Staring at the phallus, Haldir's entrance clenched in both dread and anticipation - dread because this night would be like so many others and he would be Dorvane's whore, writhing beneath him and to his utter shame, begging for his release; and anticipation for the momentary pleasure that very release would bring him. "Aye," he said softly as he felt the submission ring make him even harder. "Thank you, Dorvane. The oil is always welcomed."

Dorvane smiled, pleased with himself as he scooted back on the bed and coaxed Haldir to draw his legs up toward his chest as he swirled the slender phallus against his entrance slightly allowing it to coat with oil before he began to push it inside the Elf's body, watching with greedy eyes as it disappeared into the tight passage. He knew how it felt around his own cock, knew how it molded around him, knew the heat of his lover's body and knew now just how to move to drive the Elf crazy. It may well be true that Dorvane was the last person on Arda the Elf wanted, when he did everything just right the Elf begged for him and he hoped to hear that very begging tonight. He withdrew the phallus slowly and pushed it in even deeper the next time, slowly opening the Elf's body, something he rarely allowed the time for but he was in a patient mood tonight.

Haldir's hands twisted and he held on to his bonds as the phallus was pushed past his guardian muscle, surprised when it was almost gently withdrawn and pushed in again slowly. The stretch and burn was still there, but in a good way, unlike when Dorvane would take him unprepared or force an unreasonably thick phallus deep inside him too quickly for his body to adjust. This, however, the slow push forward and withdrawal, felt pleasant and since this was a rare occasion when Dorvane seemed willing to let him enjoy himself, the Elf spread his legs further and moaned again. Yes, he was acting his part well, he thought, but since this was the only life he would ever know, at least for the next several decades, he took his pleasure when and where he could. "Gods, Dorvane," he whispered, careful not to close his eyes, least Dorvane accuse him of thinking of Faramir, "that feels so good. Thank you for this..." It was always better, he'd found to give Dorvane credit for his every kindness, otherwise he seemed to forget that kindness existed.

Dorvane's smile spread wider as he watched Haldir spread his legs wider for him, clearly enjoying this. The Elf seemed to like it gentle and slow, though it wasn't what Dorvane enjoyed himself but once in a great while he found it in himself to offer Haldir small amounts of pleasure. Just like he offered the slaves he supposed, days free of being taken, sometimes only beating them and not taking them or sometimes simply letting them take each other while he watched. They were always more gentle with each other so he considered it a mercy, and certainly his own 'lover' should be afforded mercy once in a while. "I told you that there were some things you would enjoy about being my lover," he whispered. It was rare he was thanked by anyone, not even Saruman thanked him for his work that he did, so he enjoyed hearing it from Haldir. He watched the Elf's eyes darken even more as he continued to move the phallus inside him, then he twisted it slightly and shifted angles, brushing firmly against his lover's prostate, smiling at the reaction. "Beautiful," he murmured as he leaned down and kissed Haldir again his tongue tracing along his lover's bottom lip.

The brush of the phallus over his sweet spot caused Haldir's cock to jump, and pain to flare in his clamped nipples. This pain, however was so minor compared to what Dorvane usually doled out to him, that it was almost welcome. Just as he'd been trained to do, he returned his lover's kiss and sighed softly as Dorvane's tongue moved over his lip. The phallus continued working inside him, and even had he not been wearing the submission ring, he would have become aroused, though Dorvane rarely passed up the chance to use the ring to his advantage. "Aye, there are many things to enjoy," he lied, though a tiny voice inside him screamed that killing Dorvane in his sleep would be the greatest enjoyment he could imagine. He needed to quiet that voice one and for all, but couldn't seem to do it just yet. Instead of dwelling on that, he lifted his head and coaxed Dorvane into kissing him again. As much as he hated the Man's kisses, they usually put Dorvane in a better mood, and that was always worth trying to achieve.

It was true that Haldir willingly kissing him that way always put Dorvane in a more pleasant mood, though tonight he wasn't sure he could be more pleasant than he was currently being. He hadn't hit Haldir tonight, had not beaten him, had not even threatened him tonight….for Dorvane, he was being extremely kind. His hand moved down Haldir's body as they kissed and he squeezed his lover's cock not painfully but firmly. "You will only come when I give you leave to do so," he whispered before releasing him and drawing away, freeing the phallus from his lover's body before settling between his legs, unable to wait any longer. He pushed hard into Haldir's body but he should have been well prepared enough by the phallus that it shouldn't hurt too much. The phallus itself had been much smaller than Dorvane's cock though. The heat and tightness around him was exquisite and Dorvane moaned as he thrust even deeper, making his balls slap against Haldir's rear. "Always so tight, no matter what, always tight," he murmured as his hands clutched at his lover's thighs and he began to move.

Biting back a moan as he was opened far wider than the phallus had stretched him, Haldir tried to breathe through the pain. Though he was usually bathed and prepared for Dorvane at the end of each day, he'd been so tired lately that he'd gotten a late start - and he barely had had time to get out of the bath when his lover had walked through the door. Since his last experience of getting caught in the bath alone, he'd decided that being taken unprepared was a far, far better fate than letting himself be drowned. Though Dorvane still often insisted they bathe together, they fortunately hadn't had a repeat of that horrific night that still caused Haldir to have nightmares.

As his lover began to move, Haldir stopped biting back his moans of both pleasure and pain, knowing that Dorvane liked to hear both. The chain around his cock tugged at his nipples with each thrust, and Haldir thought darkly that *of course* he was always tight no matter what, especially since a phallus the size of one finger was quite poor preparation for Dorvane's thick length as it was forced unceremoniously into his passage. Nevertheless, his own arousal was dripping against his stomach even as his body adjusted and he simply gave in to the pleasure, hoping it would exhaust them both and he could rest in peace for a few more hours.

Dorvane lifted Haldir's hips, causing Haldir's arms to pull against his bonds as he began to set a punishing rhythm, pounding into his lover and slamming squarely against his sweet spot over and over again. He knew he was being a bit unfair, telling Haldir he could not come until he allowed him to and then doing everything he could to make sure that the Elf was on the verge of losing control. He reached up and tugged just a little on the chains attached to the nipple clamps, giving his lover a mix of pain with the other pleasurable stimulus and then slowed his body just enough to reach his piercing and tugged at it. He alternated the process, pain and pleasure in a mixture that Dorvane loved to witness. As he felt himself starting to lose his grip on control his hand moved to his lover's cock, tugging roughly. "You can come when I do," he murmured.

Long legs draped over Dorvane's shoulders as his lover worked Haldir, giving him some unimaginable mixture of pleasure and pain he'd actually gotten used to. His nipples were almost numb until the chain was tugged on, and the piercing - Gods, the piercing, when tugged on in just the perfect way made the Elf feel like he was going to loose his mind. All that combined with the hard flesh that was impaling him again and again, hitting *that* spot inside him so perfectly and the hand around his cock tugging in a rhythm matching each deep thrust, making it take every ounce of Haldir's concentration not to come. He knew all too well the punishment of coming too soon. He tried to hurry things along a bit, by squeezing his internal muscles even as he prayed he could hold out on his
release until Dorvane found his own.

Dorvane could see Haldir was painfully close to losing control and thrust deeply into him, feeling tight muscles milking his cock as he did so. "Tell me you want to come, Haldir…beg me to let you," he whispered breathlessly as he continued to stimulate his lover with each touch, knowing that he himself couldn't hold out much longer.

Haldir *hated* begging, but he did it rather well these days it seemed. His face held not a hint of the hatred he felt for the man inside him and their gazes met as he panted and tried to retain control of his body. "Please, Dorvane," he moaned, arching up off the bed to meet his each thrust. "So close...yes....yes...please let me...oh Gods!...please let me come with you..."

Dorvane smiled as the Elf begged him, something he would *never* do before as a slave, he could never force him no matter how much he tortured the Elf except when the Ranger had been involved and now…now he begged Dorvane often to let him come for him. His thrusts sped slightly and he slammed into Haldir's body hard one final time, squarely hitting his prostate and he tugged at the piercing at just the right moment. "Come for me now then," he cried out as he spilled hot and slick inside his lover, feeling the muscles clamp down around him as Haldir's release hit him too. It was sheer perfection, Dorvane thought as he tried to catch his breath.

Crying out loudly, all pride long gone, Haldir's body stiffened for a moment as Dorvane spilled deep inside him and his own release followed only moments later. His body clamped down around his lover's still pulsing length and his cock pulsed between them, covering his chest and stomach and pulling hard on the clamps on his nipples, which oddly enough, seemed to draw out his orgasm in some perverse way he didn't even want to think about. His legs slid from Dorvane's shoulders and down to rest on either side of him and he lay gasping for air, still forcing himself not to close his eyes as he lay shivering and vulnerable beneath this man who controlled him so completely with a single threat against the man he loved.

Dorvane was pleasantly exhausted now and quite pleased with himself from the look on Haldir's face. He smiled just a little as he shifted and withdrew from his lover's body and then unfastened the chain from Haldir's submission ring and then released each nipple clamp, tossing them aside as he leaned down to suck and lick on the abused nubs. "That was very, very nice. You were perfect," he whispered knowing that Haldir sometimes worried about Dorvane's moods. They did tend to swing rapidly from anger to peacefulness, usually depending on what he had to deal with from Saruman. He reached over and unfastened the bonds from Haldir's wrists and then sat back and offered him a small towel. "Clean yourself, and put on your robe so we can have dinner. I trust you shouldn't have trouble sitting tonight?"

Haldir clenched his teeth as the nipple clamps were removed and Dorvane tormented his nipple further while they were at their sorest and the blood returned to the tiny nubs of flesh. He accepted the towel however, and gave his lover his best smile. "No, I will have no trouble sitting tonight, Dorvane," he managed, sounding rather pathetically grateful as he cleaned himself. "Thank you for this evening. It was quite pleasurable. As you always say, there are many enjoyable aspects to being your lover."

Dorvane smiled as he crawled off the bed and put away everything, then gathered his robed and cleaned himself up. Dinner would be arriving soon and he found himself watching the Elf. He seemed…different somehow but Dorvane wasn't quite sure what that difference was. He walked over to his lover, rarely showing any tenderness but doing so a little now. He tucked loose hair behind Haldir's ear gently and smiled. "You pleased me very much tonight," he whispered. It was probably the best praise that Dorvane ever offered Haldir, but it was all the man was capable of offering. Just then the guards knocked and he smiled. "Will you tell me about that book you were reading when I left this morning while we eat?" Dorvane asked as he crossed to the door.

Surprised at the rather backhanded compliment, Haldir nodded and breathed a sigh of relief as Dorvane touched him so gently. There had been times when, even after a somewhat pleasing sexual encounter, he'd slapped Haldir for no reason, or worse yet, beat him for supposedly thinking of Faramir as they had sex. Haldir spent almost every moment of his day dreaming of Faramir, but he tried his best not to think about his love *too* much while Dorvane used him, as it felt even more like a betrayal since he'd given his permission.

As Dorvane turned toward the door, the Elf had a minor panic attack, however. He had had a book in his hands that morning when his lover had left, that much was true, but he'd spent the day remembering the plans he and Faramir had made for when they escaped, even though Haldir knew he could never do so. He had read the first few pages a few days ago, however, and could hopefully talk his way through that while they ate, rather than admit that he hadn't read any at all that day. He quickly grabbed the book and flipped through a few pages as Dorvane spoke with the guard who delivered their food and prayed to the Valar he could make it through this at least tolerable night without making Dorvane angry.

It took Dorvane longer than expected at the door with the guard as he asked him a question about the extra troops that would be arriving the next day, he asked about allowing Haldir to be used for one of the generals and Dorvane ended that line of thinking immediately. "I have told you repeatedly no one takes Haldir but me. But if they want to be one the ones taken or wants to watch Haldir take another slave that might be possible…find out what his tastes are," Dorvane told the guard before he returned to set the tray on the table. "I hope you are hungry, they seem to have sent quite a selection tonight," he said as he sat down and waited for Haldir to join him.

Haldir nervously put the book down on the table in front of him so Dorvane couldn't see it, and gave his lover his best smile. He wasn't hungry; having seemed to have lost his appetite of late, but responded as he knew was expected of him. "Aye. I am starving. Everything looks delicious." He sat down and began picking at food he had no desire at all for. "Do you wish for me to take one of the men in the holding cells?" he asked, hoping to distract him from the book. He knew that the guard's wishes wouldn't matter; all that mattered in his life these days were Dorvane's wishes - that much had been made perfectly clear.

"If it comes to that," Dorvane said conversationally as if they were talking about the weather and not Haldir pleasuring one of Saruman's troops. "If his tastes run that way we'll see, but as I said no one else will take you but me, so there are no worries on that front," Dorvane said as he filled his glass and then Haldir's. "I imagine he'll say no and that will be the end of the matter, but on the off chance he does say yes, you will take him. You will have a guard posted inside the room. He will not participate; he will only watch to make sure the soldier does exactly as instructed. If he tries anything…you have my permission to protect yourself in any way you see fit," Dorvane said mildly. "I know you have it in you…maybe you should hope he does try something, might be sporting for you," Dorvane said actually grinning at the very idea. Haldir had seemed…out of sorts lately and maybe something like that would actually do the Elf some good; remind him he was once a warrior.

The words were out of his mouth before Haldir thought, but since they weren't directed at Dorvane, he didn't panic *too* much. "Does 'any way I see fit' mean I can kill him?" he asked curiously. Gods, it would feel good to take out his frustrations on someone - anyone at this point. His hatred of Dorvane grew every day, and he could honestly say that snapping the neck of a guard who had hurt him or Faramir at one time would make him feel a bit more like himself. And there was no doubt in his mind who he would picture that breaking neck would belong to.

Dorvane lifted an eyebrow as he looked up from his plate. "Would you like that?" he asked curious himself. Likely the Elf would love to take out his pent up anger on any number of guards and soldiers at the farm including and probably especially himself but Haldir was all too aware of those consequences. "I did say any way you see fit…so I suppose killing them should it come to that would be allowed. What's one more soldier to Saruman, he'll just find another to take his place or dupe into being his servant," Dorvane said frowning a bit as he thought of his own pathetic ties to the dark wizard. He pushed away those thoughts thinking that tonight had been pleasant and he didn't want to ruin it with growing angry or frustrated.

Haldir wondered what Dorvane meant about Saruman duping someone else into serving him, but could sense that it wasn't something they should talk about. Instead, he steered the conversation to safer topics, avoiding the book he hadn't read but would surely read tomorrow, and concentrating on forcing himself to eat the food that had no taste to him anymore. The meal passed without incident, thankfully, and Haldir was soon thinking longingly of the bed. It was as likely as not that Dorvane might want to take him again, so he made no move to get up from the table until his lover made his wishes known.

Dorvane lingered over his glass of wine at the end of the meal. It had been an extremely pleasant night all and all and he was pleased with the amount of control he'd managed to exhibit tonight and the way he'd made Haldir cry out for him and beg him for release. "We should get some rest, especially if tomorrow you are to…entertain one of the soldiers," Dorvane said with a sick grin as he stood. His hand trailed over Haldir's shoulder as he passed by to the bed and he smiled. "Come join me…and you could show me how grateful you are that you were actually able to sit through dinner tonight for a change," Dorvane suggested mildly.

Blue eyes finally closed in exhaustion and disgust after Dorvane was behind him, but Haldir only allowed himself a moment of this luxury. The thoughts of 'entertaining' someone else made him feel even dirtier than he already did, and he hadn't thought that possible. "Aye, Dorvane," he said, keeping his voice light and pleasant. "I am very grateful indeed for your thoughtfulness." He had never once regretted his decision to be Dorvane's lover in exchange for Faramir's freedom, but some nights were harder than others. This night, though he hadn't been made to suffer, would surely be one of the more difficult ones, because Dorvane's ideas of how Haldir should show his gratefulness were often quite at odd with how Haldir would choose to do it himself. He removed his robe and crawled into bed without protest, however, and forced hismelf to lie close to his lover. As his hand trailed down to gently stroke the already stirring flesh between Dorvane's legs, the Elf pushed himself not to let his exhaustion or his disgust show. As his head disappeared under the covers moments later, another tiny, miniscule piece of him died away. At least beneath the blankets, he thought, he didn't have to worry with hiding the hatred that burned so brightly in his eyes when he didn't keep a tight reign on it. It was one of the few advantages of 'thanking' Dorvane.

~~*~~

Over the weeks and months the war continued to take a turn against Saruman and his allegiance with Sauron. During that time Saruman continued to take out his anger on Dorvane who in turn took it out on the slaves and on Haldir. The man always assumed the Elf could handle the abuse though, he always had before but each week that passed, each month that went by more and more scars did not fade on the Elf's body. More and more the Elf's sparkling blue eyes faded to a dull lifeless blue and more and more Dorvane noticed the Elf was lethargic. Each day weaker than the last and not even putting up the slightest resistance or even *move* under him when he took him.

At first Dorvane tried to be kind and gentle, almost sweet to the Elf, thinking he might heal but over time he realized not even that would help. The Elf was fading. After all this time and *now* that he was Dorvane's lover he begins to fade? He knew why, he knew all about Elves and broken hearts and grew angrier by the day. He began to beat Haldir even worse, not floggings or paddling him as he'd done in the past, no, actually beating him with hands and fists in his frustration. The Elf still loved the Ranger and he was fading away from Dorvane because of that love. It infuriated the man but he always seemed to stop just short of killing his pet.

Dorvane gave Saruman enough satisfaction, as it was when the wizard would torture him, he would not take that final step and end the Elf's life. He even tried threatening that if the Elf died he would recapture the Ranger, though Haldir had no way of knowing that Saruman's hold on the citadel in Gondor had long since been broken.

Haldir knew he was fading, and the thought terrified him. Not of the fading itself, but of what would happen to Faramir if Dorvane no longer had him to take out his frustrations on. He did his best to hide it, but every day was a greater effort than the last. He tried to put Faramir out of his mind, tried to fall *out* of love with him, but it was useless. His dreams of the man he truly loved were all that kept him alive after many of the beatings and rapes.

He'd always known that, if Faramir's safety was assured, he could so easily kill Dorvane, but now, in his current state, he doubted he could even hurt the man. All he could do was try to hold on, try to please his lover, for as long as he could, but even that was getting to be all but impossible. Haldir felt that he'd truly betrayed Faramir by letting himself fade, and his hurt and anger could be see both in his eyes and the scars that now seemed to permanently mar his skin. One day, he hoped Faramir would forgive him, both for this betrayal, and the fact that he had willingly gone to Dorvane's bed the very morning after Faramir had left. It's not like he would ever know, but some part of him thought that despite Saruman's spell, Faramir would still feel that he was loved, and hopefully, had taken strength from that feeling. No doubt he had moved on, found a lover or a husband, but in Haldir's mind, Faramir would always be the same handsome and innocent soul he'd fallen in love with so completely during their time as slaves.

This day had been uneasy around the farm, they knew a final battle was being waged in Gondor and if that battle turned in favor of the Men and Elves who fought then Dorvane and others of his ilk would be hunted men. The last Dorvane had heard was that Saruman had sealed himself in his tower. As long as the wizard lived, he would live.

He returned early to his chambers and found Haldir curled on the small couch not even attempting to get up. The Elf looked older, he had begun to age, he looked drawn and weak, his eyes sunken and dark circles framed them along with several bruises from Dorvane's own hands. "The war may be ending today," he announced as he walked into the room.

Haldir stared at Dorvane in surprise. He'd had little news about the war, but from Dorvane's mood lately, the tides didn't seem to be turning in Saruman's favor. He tried not to think of what would happen if Sauron claimed victory...or if he were defeated. His choices were rather limited now either way, though the fate of Gondor and a certain Ranger weighed heavily on his mind even as he slowly began to sit up. "Do you know if the Elves have sailed or not?" he asked quietly, hoping that question wouldn't enrage his lover. "Or have they taken part in this war as well? My brothers...they were warriors as well."

Dorvane looked up and shrugged. "Some have sailed but from what I have heard a contingent of Elves from both Imladris and Lothlórien battled at Helms Deep…I have heard some Elves are battling alongside the Rohirrim and Gondorians even now," Dorvane said watching Haldir closely. "But it will be of no consequence, they are outnumbered, when Sauron empties Mordor those orcs will destroy everything in their path."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Haldir simply nodded and slowly stood, still sore from his beating the night before and the awkward position Dorvane had forced him in to take him. He untied his robe and did his best to hide the pain, giving his lover with a smile that never reached his eyes. "Where would you like me tonight?" he asked as the robe slid to the floor. "I bathed and am ready for you, and laid all your usual 'equipment' on the nightstand as you asked." He tried not to look at the 'equipment,' none of which was pleasant, and all of which caused him pain in one way or another.

Dorvane frowned a little as the Elf stood slowly and dropped away his robe. His body was marked and bruised badly in some spots more lightly in others. Finger marks, fist and outlines of palms marred the once pristine skin. He actually cringed at the sight of what *he* had done to the Elf and then was surprised by his own reaction. "Just lean over the bed and spread your legs," he said as he stripped off his own clothes. Maybe just taking Haldir quickly would relieve some of the odd tension he felt.

Haldir nodded and limped over to the bed, where he bent over and spread his legs wide. He'd prepared himself well, using extra oil and hoped that Dorvane would simply take him and not want to whip or hurt him first. His hair, once blond and shining, hung limply on each side of his face and his eyes closed as he waited for the usual rough hands to part the globes of his backside and the usual first uncomfortable thrust of Dorvane's sex.

Dorvane watched as Haldir presented himself to him and looked at all the marks that criss crossed his back. The Elf was fading before his very eyes as if his fate was somehow tied to the war itself, which was soon coming to an end. Dorvane frowned at the thought and he actually had to focus on his lover's body, imagining him without the marks to allow himself to become hard. Haldir's hair that had once been his glory was no longer shining and bright it had yellowed and was stringy looking, as if no matter how much he brushed it, it would remain that way. Moving across the room, Dorvane didn't even bother with Haldir's ring, simply parting the Elf's backside and pushing forward, seating himself deep in one long thrust. His body didn't even feel as warm as it always had but Dorvane pushed that thought away as just his imagination.

Haldir's hands clenched into fists in the blankets as Dorvane forced his way inside. It was painful, but thankfully he didn't turn the ring on to either it's pain or pleasure setting, and seemed to be satisfied at the moment with just taking him. Remembering what was expected of him, the Elf lowered his head to the bed and pushed back against his lover, moaning softly in what could be perceived as either pleasure or pain, which ever Dorvane was in the mood for that night. In reality, he was indifferent to it all once the initial pain was over, and though he carried on with his moans for Dorvane's sake, his mind was elsewhere and his entire body felt rather numb.

Hearing Haldir's moan seemed to coax him on, and when the Elf pushed back against him, Dorvane gripped his hips and began slamming into him. But just as suddenly as he'd started a blinding pain ripped through his arms starting at his wristbands. Immediately he released the Elf and the sound of screams seemed to echo all throughout the farm as Dorvane jerked away from Haldir and collapsed on the floor. He was writhing in pain and suddenly his wrists began to bleed just as they always did when Saruman used his magic against him, only this time…something else was wrong. His own scream seemed to echo inside the room.

Whimpering as Dorvane pulled out of him so roughly, Haldir stayed in position until he heard his lover scream. He turned slowly and regarded the man on the floor with the first true sign of interest he'd shown in weeks. His first instinct was to simply watch, but *if* Dorvane recovered, then he would pay dearly for not at least trying to help. A moment later, he was crouching beside his lover, though he didn't reach out to touch or comfort him. "You are bleeding, Dorvane," he said softly, watching as the blood pooled on the floor and began soaking into the rug beneath him. "Does this mean Saruman is defeated or is he simply displeased with you?"

Dorvane was writhing in pain as Haldir crouched beside him. "I think he is defeated," he murmured. "The other screams….outside," he gasped and cried out again as more blood pulsed from under the wrist bands. Now that Saruman's hold on him was broken he felt genuine remorse when he looked at the Elf. "I think…I think you are free now." Dorvane shuddered

Haldir's expression was cold as he watched Dorvane. "To what end?" he asked bitterly. "To find the man who no longer remembers me, who could not bear to look at me even if he did thanks to you? Or to find my brothers' bodies where they died fighting in a battle we wanted no part of?" He reached out and caught Dorvane's face in his hands and forced the man to really *look* at him. "I always dreamed of escaping and finding Faramir. I have thought of him every day since our agreement...you know that. But look at me, Dorvane. See what you have done? You have destroyed me, you have destroyed your men, and in the end..." He actually took pity on the man before him and released his hold to brush the hair back from his face. "You have destroyed yourself. It could have worked out so differently." He stood slowly, gathered his clothes and began to dress. "I almost pity you now...*almost*."

Dorvane struggled to look into Haldir's eyes, the pain almost blinding him as he continued to bleed to death, just as he'd originally intended all those years ago. "I…I wish I could explain it all to you and make you understand what…what made me the man I am," he coughed and almost screamed from the pain of it. He watched as Haldir dressed, not expecting the abused Elf to help him even if he *could.* Dorvane always knew this was possible if Saruman was defeated he would be in this situation and if the wizard died, the magic keeping Dorvane alive, would release him. He smiled as he looked up at Haldir. "I am finally free too…" and with that the man fainted from blood loss and would soon die, just as he'd meant to do seventeen years ago.

The once golden Elf crooked his head to the side and wondered what Dorvane meant by saying he was finally free too. No matter. Dorvane was dying...and dying painfully from the looks of it. No less than he deserved, though it still didn't make up for all the pain he'd caused. He stood and started toward the door, trying to come to terms with the fact that after almost a decade of pain, he was finally, blessedly free.

The words rang in his head, however. "I am finally free too..." He stopped, turned and looked at the unconscious man on the floor. He should go, leave this place forever, find some place quiet where he could dream of how his life with Faramir could have been, and fade into nothingness. Alone.

Dorvane didn't stir, and Haldir couldn't seem to look away. Finally, after a few moments, he retraced his steps and knelt by his former lover again. His compassion overrode his hatred of the man, and as much as he wanted to leave, he couldn't bear to let him die alone. Though it took every bit of the strength he had left in him, he carefully picked Dorvane up and laid him gently on the bed. "I wish you could explain it as well," he said softly, running his hand over Dorvane's feverish head and soothing him as best he could despite all he'd done. "I do not understand why you did all this...and I do not understand why I'm staying, but...I will sit with you, Dorvane. No one should have to die alone."

When his body was lifted, the pain of it and the confusion of how or why seemed to stir Dorvane from unconsciousness and he found himself gazing in confusion up at Haldir. "Why are you here? You are free now, you should go…I can't stop you anymore and the guards…I think they are all dead," he said softly, his voice barely a whisper. He was paying now for all the pain he'd caused others and especially this Elf in particular. He didn't understand why Haldir was there; of all people, the Elf had more reason to be joyful about his death than any other.

Haldir sighed and tugged the blankets over Dorvane's shoulders. "I hate what you've done to us all, Dorvane, and I will never forgive you for the pain you caused Faramir and myself and the other slaves...and especially for your almost killing him that day on that damnable wheel. You have effectively taken my life, and when I leave this place, it will be to find what peace I can until I have faded completely. I have come to terms with that, because you and Saruman have taken everything from me." His words were no longer bitter....simply tired and resigned. "But that does not mean I cannot see the man you could have been...and while I have wished to kill you on more than one occasion, now that it comes to it, I cannot leave you to die alone. It is simply not in me to walk away, even from you, at a time like this."

Dorvane couldn't believe that Haldir wished to stay; then again, maybe he just wished to witness his suffering for all he'd done? He couldn't believe it was for any other reason. "I was…I was not always this way…maybe you above all deserve to know the truth. There were times I almost told you of it, times I almost…but I couldn't. I fear my time is," he winced and groaned as the bands on his arms bit into him even more, "my time is short though. On the shelf there…the black book," he said nodding slightly toward it. "It will explain it all…I cannot ask you to forgive me. I did too much for that and I did…I will not lie I enjoyed the power and control I had."

Haldir glanced across the room at the black book he'd always thought was simply an accounting of the supplies for the farm, then turned back to Dorvane. "I will take it," he said softly. "One day, I think I may be able to forgive you for all you've done to me, but...you hurt the man I love, you took him from me, and you almost killed him. For that, Dorvane, I do not think I will ever forgive you." He sat quietly beside the dying man, studying his admittedly handsome face and shrugged. "Can I do anything to ease your pain? Despite all you've done to me, I do not take pleasure in another's suffering...though I honestly thought I would, should this time ever come."

Dorvane shook his head painfully. "There is nothing to be done for me, unless you wish to end my suffering yourself. I cannot…I was jealous of the Ranger…I wanted you to look at me the way you did him but you never did…even were I have been kind I do not think you would have looked at me that way. I am sorry," his last words were barely a whisper as the last of his blood drained away to stain the bed beneath him. Dorvane died quietly something he had wished for years ago before Saruman 'saved' him.

The coldness in Haldir's eyes had left him, and though he did not mourn Dorvane's death, neither did he take joy in it, as he always thought he would. He sat quietly for a few moments and shook his head. "No. I would never have looked at you that way," he agreed softly. Reaching over to gently close Dorvane's eyes, the Elf sighed and slowly got to his feet. He made his way to the door, intent on freeing the healthiest of the slaves so that they in turn could free the others, and then would make his way as far away from this place as possible. Pausing at the door, however, his eyes were drawn back to the black book Dorvane had mentioned. After debating for a moment, he took it, along with the box his ex-lover kept the controls for the submission rings in, and what was left of their dinner.

Half an hour later, the slaves were freeing each other, both of their cells and of their submission rings, and Haldir was making his way through the forest alone. Though he had no specific destination in mind, his heart led him towards the east, towards Gondor.

~~*~~
Haldir's submission ring removal needs to be added

The days turned into weeks, and Haldir grew weaker with each step. He had no illusions about a reunion with Faramir. He was not the same Elf Faramir had once loved, either in appearance or manner. Dorvane had broken him, scarred him, and sullied his very soul. Being a slave was one thing, he knew, but being a willing whore...that was something completely different.

He realized he was heading to Gondor the first full day he'd been free. He balked at first, but then told himself that Faramir wouldn't remember or recognize him, so there could be no harm in sneaking into the city and just seeing firsthand that the man he loved was well. The walk, which only a few years ago would have taken no more than a few days, had stretched out to almost six weeks by the time he saw Gondor in the distance. He had to stop often to rest, and though he had no appetite, he forced himself to eat to keep his strength up, determined now to at least see Faramir before he finally gave in and faded completely.

As he'd traveled, he'd reluctantly began reading Dorvane's journal, and despite himself, he almost felt pity for the man. Dorvane had loved deeply once as well, but circumstances had taken his love from him just as he'd taken Faramir, and in the end Dorvane had felt that he was unable to go on. As he lay dying from his own hand, the knife he'd used to slit his wrists sharp and bloody beside him, Saruman had found, and tricked him. He told Dorvane of the horrors of death, and promised him all that he had ever desired - lovers, gold, jewels, and most enticing of all, power. Dorvane, suddenly afraid of dying, had jumped at the chance, and watched as Saruman had fastened black leather bands around his wrists - bands that would torment and change him for the next seventeen years - until the moment of his death.

Haldir learned that Dorvane had been in pain as well, though he'd become adept at hiding it. It didn't excuse what he'd done, but it did, at least help the Elf to understand why the man had been so desperate for someone to hold on to, even if it was a fading Elf he knew could never love him.

He tucked the book neatly into his small pack and wished he had the strength to climb a tree or sneak into the city and catch a glimpse of Faramir, but Gods, he was tired. The best he could manage was to try and blend in, for thankfully, there were a few Elves in the city, but no one would recognize him, he thought, for not only was he now scarred and thinner, he had begun to age as well.

Stopping at the first building on the lowest level of the city, Haldir simply leaned against the side and slid to the ground, breathless from the short distance he'd walked in the past hour. The mere thought of trying to reach the upper level of Gondor, where Faramir would surely be made him feel ill and wondered how he could possibly make it, but he had to see him, if only so he could die knowing that his lover lived, and was whole and happy.

Mardil was just returning from his patrol when he spotted someone leaning against the wall of one of the lower level taverns. Probably a drunkard sleeping off their celebration from the end of the war, he thought frowning. As he got closer though he thought perhaps he was wrong and it was merely an old man in need of rest. The dull gray hair that peeked out of his cloak gave him pause and suddenly Mardil felt sorry for the creature. The poor thing looked thin as a rail and exhausted. The king was a healer and would not like one of his guards simply leaving an old man to die in the streets. He stopped his horse and dismounted, approaching the man carefully as not to startle him. "Sir, you look tired and hungry…you should not be here in this place. Outside a tavern is not a good place to rest," he said kindly as he knelt beside the old man.

Haldir startled awake, but didn't have the strength to move. It took him a moment to notice that the man speaking to him wasn't Dorvane, and judging from the kindness in his tone, meant him no harm. Slowly, he lifted his head, causing his cloak to fall back slightly, and gave the guard a tired smile. "My apologies," he said hoarsely. "I meant only to rest for a moment, but I seem to have closed my eyes for a bit too long."

Mardil sucked in a breath when the man…no, Elf lifted his head. Clearly he could see the elegant shape of Elven ears but he'd never seen an Elf that looked like this! Something was horribly wrong. "Master Elf," he said softly. "You are…you are unwell…I am not sure if our healers can help you but our king is a healer who was raised by Elves…come with me and I will see that you are cared for. The streets are no place for one such as yourself," Mardil said softly. The men of Arda owed the Elves a great debt; their help at Helms Deep allowed the war to turn in their favor and all men owed them for that sacrifice. He reached out and took the Elf's arm to help him up.

Getting to his feet with the guards help was all that Haldir could allow himself. The man looked almost horrified when he'd realized that he was no man, but an Elf, telling Haldir just how terrible he must look. He started to protest, to say that no healer could help him, but before he spoke, he realized that this man could at least help him get closer to Faramir. One look, then he would leave, and go back to the forest to await his fate. "I do not need a healer, mellonamin," he smiled, steadying himself by holding onto the guard's arm, "but I would appreciate some help in getting to the upper gardens. I have always wanted to see them, and...for reasons I cannot explain, I now have very little time to do so. Can you help me?"

Mardil frowned and then nodded quickly. "Of course, of course I can," he said smiling and keeping his hand on the Elf's arm helped him toward his horse. The poor thing looked as if he was about to just fall over and when he lifted him, he gasped at just how light the Elf who was of the same height as him was. "You need a good meal…several of them it seems, my friend," he teased a little as he mounted behind the Elf. "Perhaps you can see the garden and then stay for a meal?" He wondered why the Elf looked as if he was dying, Elves did not die. They were immortal. He felt sadness hit him then as he remembered some of the rumors that the other guards had spoken of. How if an Elf lost their mate they faded. Gods, had this Elf lost his mate in the war? His heart broke for the Elf as he thought of how sad that must be, to love someone so much that you'd die rather than mourn their memory for eternity. Did the creatures only love once in their lives? Could they not be like his sister who lost her husband years ago only to find love again just recently? He shook his head thinking it was a sad fate for one of such a noble race. "I will take you to the most beautiful of the gardens, it is on the eastern side. Lord Faramir's rooms overlook it, and it was tended by his mother."

Hating himself for being too weak to even mount the horse, Haldir nevertheless was grateful for the guard's help. He relaxed a bit as they made their way up and towards the gardens, but his hands twisted in his cloak at the mention of Faramir's name. "I...Lord Faramir," he repeated softly. "I have heard tales of him...heard that his mother passed away many years ago. I would not wish to disturb him if he happens to be there - I only wanted to see the gardens I have heard so much about since my own land is so far away."

The guard nodded as Haldir spoke. "Aye, Lord Faramir would not mind though, he is a kind sort. He…was lost for a time, we still do not know how or where he was for almost three months and he cannot recall but he is still a kind and generous man. He…he has kept to himself much these last months though. He would probably welcome the company if he sees you today," Mardil said kindly. In truth, Faramir had been less than himself the last several months since his return. Not just not being able to remember where he'd been but a sadness seemed to grip him. He no longer laughed or smiled often as he had before. He wasn't cruel or unkind he just…seemed only half alive. Some say it was his father's death that happened soon after his return others say it was whatever happened to him while he was gone. The other guards say that it is simply because he lost three months of his life that he cannot recall.

"Lost," Haldir repeated, relieved that at least Faramir must not remember all that had happened to him while he'd been Dorvane's captive. "I too was lost quite recently, for a great many years, but...I am free now." His words were so soft, he wasn't even sure his companion could hear him. It was tempting, to be so close to Faramir, to speak with him...could he take that chance? Could he take the chance that Faramir's memories might come flooding back at seeing him and he would have to relive the horror again and again? No. Of course he couldn't. His head bowed, and his hair hid his face so the guard couldn't see the longing or pain that was sure to be written there. "No, please. I would like only a moment alone in the garden, then I will leave Gondor. I do not wish to disturb
Lord Faramir, or trouble you further."

Mardil felt a great sadness seem to emanate from the Elf, almost the exact same sadness he felt anytime he was in Faramir's presence in fact. He frowned deeply and sighed. "You are no trouble to me, Master Elf…none at all," he said kindly. "I am Mardil by the way, I was just returning from a patrol and to be honest…I was running a little late, you are giving me a good excuse for my commander," he teased as they began to round the last circle to the citadel.

Haldir smiled and decided he liked this kind man who was so willing to help a complete stranger, even one who looked as homely and ill as himself. "Thank you Mardil," he offered, then continued without thinking. "My name is Haldir, and I was once..." Had he the strength, he would have slapped himself in the forehead for giving his name. As it was, he only grew even paler, thinking that his secret little mission to simply indulge in a discreet glance at his beloved Faramir was now in real danger of being exposed. Not finishing, however, would cause more suspicion, though he vowed to be more careful with his words from here on out. "...er...I was one a Marchwarden...a guard much like yourself."

"I am honored to meet you then," Mardil said kindly. "You….you don't mind me asking and you really do not have to answer at all but…I've seen a great many Elves in my day and…and I've never seen one well…sick like this. I've heard rumors and I'm assuming a lot here and if you don't want to answer as I said you don't have to. But…did you lose your mate in the war? I ask because…well I hear rumors. Now that some Elves have chosen to stay in Ithilien well…all of us are trying to learn what we can and understand so we…well we don't offend anyone I guess. The king was raised by Elves and he wants his people to be understanding of all of the races of Arda, after all we were all saved by two little halflings…er…hobbits, they like to be called hobbits, I think," Mardil didn't even consider that he sounded like he was practically babbling to the Elf.

Suppressing a chuckle at Mardil's rambling, despite his rather painful questions. The phrase "in my day" particularly amused him, as the man seemed to have seen scarcely over 21 summers at most, and probably had no idea how old Haldir was. Thinking that to answer him would cause no harm, the Elf broke in gently, even as his eyes roamed over every person standing around the citadel, looking, as always, for his dear Ranger. "Aye," he answered, trying not to think too much about his words, lest his heart get any heavier. "I lost my mate, and...I am fading. He was taken from me and I have longed for him with every breath I've taken since the last moment we were together."

Mardil's mood grew somber and his arm that was around the Elf's waist to help him stay upright tightened just a bit. "I am sorry…if there is anything I can do…" he whispered truly at a loss as his suspicions were confirmed. It was a terribly sad think to think about. If this is what love did to an Elf with all their beauty and immortality perhaps love just wasn't something he wanted to ever get himself tangled up in. When they turned the last curve he stopped the horse and took a deep breath. "Here we are, now don't you try to get down on your own and add a broken leg or something to your troubles," he warned as he dismounted and then reached back up for the Elf. "I'll go with you to the garden and then leave you be….but if you like I can return later and we can have that meal I spoke of," Mardil said kindly. The least he could do for a fading Elf was to treat him with some kindness and a good meal. His commander couldn't reprimand him for those things.

The offer of companionship after so many months with no one but Dorvane to talk to sounded tempting indeed. Haldir was surprised at the guard's gentle touch as he helped him down from the saddle and knew that if he had tried himself, he would have likely done just as Mardil had said, and broken a leg at the very least. Though he had no appetite, and he wanted nothing more than to see Faramir and then make his way to the forest, he didn't have the heart to deny his new friend this simple request. "I would like that, mellonamin," he said with a slight bow of his head that was even a strain for him now. "And you can ask me all the questions about Elves you can think of while I am still able to answer."

Mardil sucked in a breath and nodded. "I promise I won't tire you too much," he said softly as he released the entirely too light Elf and gestured toward the garden. "Take as much time as you need…I must go explain to my commander my tardiness," he said and bowed his head too. "Until later then." With that the young man left the Elf and hoped that whatever he sought in the garden would bring Haldir peace.

Haldir found the nearest bench and simply curled up on it, leaning his back against the tree behind him. He was cold, despite the warmth of the sun and the gray cloak around him, but hardly noticed his own shivering as he lifted his eyes to the citadel. Just above him, there was a large balcony that could only be Faramir's. Though his beloved was no where in sight, Haldir felt a contentment that he had not known for many long and torturous months. "Gods, how I have missed you, Faramir," he whispered as his eyes held a hint of the sparkle they had once had so long ago. "I wonder...do you still feel how much I love you?"

Faramir was the silent observer of a conversation between Aragorn and Boromir, who were arguing about how to reprimand a young soldier who was yet again late returning from patrol. The young man always seemed to have excuses for his tardiness and none of them very convincing. The topic of discussion came running into the chamber and looked frightened out of his mind. He was young and he was very often in trouble it seemed. Faramir had witnessed a few of his dressing downs from his brother they were never pretty but at least they were always fair. He simply leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a few moments feeling tired and that always present sadness in his heart seeming to close in around him.

Boromir was midway through his speech when he said "Well, do you have any excuse this time? One I might believe?"

Then the boy began to speak. He spoke of finding an Elf, a fading Elf. Aragorn sat forward in his own chair and looked at the boy for a moment. "A fading Elf? By the Gods did you take him to the houses of healing?" the king asked standing up.

"Well…well no, he said he didn't want that. All he wanted was to sit in one of the gardens…and then we were to have a meal later. He lost his lover in the war you see and he's…he's very sad I just was going to try to cheer him up a bit…it is all with very good reason I'm late…this time," Mardil said quickly.

Curious himself now, Faramir leaned forward in his own chair. "You say he's in one of the gardens? Which one?"

When Mardil told him, Faramir stood up slowly and looked at his brother. "You will not punish him will you?" Boromir frowned and sighed. "Not this time, no."

Aragorn was already heading for the door when Faramir stopped him. "Sire…I was wondering if I could come with you? I may not be much help but I just…I do not know why but I just feel I should."

Haldir's eyes never left Faramir's balcony, and after a while several tears flowed down his face unnoticed. He remembered every moment they'd shared, both the good and the bad, and he would have given anything to just see those sparkling blue eyes once more. Now that he was here, he finally felt he could stop fighting. It had been so difficult these last months, and now with Dorvane gone and Faramir obviously safe, there was no need for him to struggle against the almost overwhelming feeling of nothingness that seemed to surround him. His breathing slowed and his eyes finally closed, and he vaguely thought that he might not make that dinner with Mardil after all.

Faramir ran behind the king as they made their way to the garden and when they arrived they found the Elf curled on his side on a bench asleep at least…Faramir hoped asleep. "The poor thing," he whispered to Aragorn who dropped to his knees before the Elf.

"I fear we may be too late…though…there is little to do for one who is fading," Aragorn said softly.

"He should at least be on a soft bed," Faramir said looking up at Aragorn. "My room is just inside those doors, I could take him there and at least make him comfortable."

Aragorn nodded in agreement. "I am sure that would be fine," he said softly, actually surprised to see Faramir actually taking an interest in anything. The last several months he had been mostly silent, mostly keeping to himself. Though it was a terrible reason for the man to care about something again.

Carefully, Faramir scooped the sleeping Elf into his arms, surprised by how light he was. "Poor dear must be starving," he whispered sadly.

"They lose their appetite when they fade it is part of it," Aragorn explained. "I'll talk to a healer to send some herbs, there are some that can at least give him some comfort." With that Aragorn left to seek out one of the healers and Faramir headed for his rooms. The Elf was still asleep, thankfully it was only asleep, as Faramir felt the slightest of breaths against his chest where his tunic fell open slightly.

He carried the Elf carefully, not wanting to jar him awake or make him hurt in any way, he seemed so very fragile. It had been heartbreaking to see the wounded return from the war, seeing Elves and men broken that way and seeing this….one who lost their mate. Gods, it was such a tragedy, he thought.

When he arrived at his rooms a passing servant opened the doors for him and he silently took the Elf straight to his bed. "Please bring some warm water to bathe his face and some of our softest cloths…and perhaps a change of clothing as well?" The servant nodded at the whispered orders and left immediately to seek out what the young lord requested.

Faramir brushed back the dull hair from the Elf's face and felt his heart clench.

Haldir dreamed of Faramir...which was nothing unusual, but this dream - it felt so real. The peace he had longed for for so long surrounded him, offering him comfort and allowing him to rest easier than he had in months.

As gentle fingers brushed over his skin, he sighed softly and let his eyes flutter open. He was only hours away from the end of his struggle, and he meant only to tell whoever was tending to him that they needn't bother. The face that slowly swam into focus before him though...Gods, he must have passed into the Halls of Mandos already, he thought, and by the grace of the Valar, he was being allowed to live in his dream, if only for a while. "You...I have missed you," he said softly as he looked up into Faramir's beloved blue eyes. "Every moment of every day, I have missed you." His voice was weak, but since this was a dream anyway, he was sure Faramir could hear him, and would understand.

Faramir was slightly startled when he saw dark blue eyes open and stare up at him. The longing and sadness there made his heart twist in his chest and he shook his head. //The poor thing thinks I am his lost lover.// "Shh, it's all right," he said hoping to not have to admit to the Elf that he was wrong. It was just too heartbreaking to tell him he was mistaken. "You are going to be just fine," he whispered as he saw how desperately the Elf gazed at him. It was more than Faramir could stand, his own sadness he had felt for months on end seeming to well up inside him as if threatening to drown him. He leaned down, simply wishing to offer comfort and brushed his lips ever so gently against the poor Elf's dry and cracked lips. It had been meant as a simple gesture of kindness but suddenly Faramir's head began to spin and he jerked away from the kiss, confused and dizzy as memory after memory seemed to slam into him at a screaming pace. He *knew* this Elf. He…loved this Elf? Tears sprang to his eyes as the memory of pain and abuse both taken alone and shared with this Elf in a horrid dark place. Haldir. His name was Haldir. "Haldir?" he questioned in confusion, wavering on the edge of the bed as his head spun.

Letting his eyes drift closed again, Haldir smiled at the sound of his dream-Faramir's voice. Of all his dreams, this one was the most beautiful, the one that felt the most real. The softness of the bed beneath him suddenly registered, along with the smell of the man he loved, and the taste that was still on his lips, a taste he had never forgotten. His eyes opened again and widened as he realized...this was no dream, and he was definitely *not* in the halls of Mandos. For a moment, he was the happiest of Elves, and could have asked for no better gift than to be back here, with his Ranger. He pushed all other thoughts aside, unable to deny himself this moment that meant so much. "You...remember," he breathed.

Shaking his head as if to clear it of the layer after layer of three months of memories suddenly inundating him, Faramir tried to stand on shaky legs. Part of him wanted to deny this was even real or possible while another part of him *knew* and understood why he'd felt such sadness for so long. "I…how…" then the tears in his eyes fell. "How could I have forgotten you?" he asked so softly he wasn't sure he'd spoken the words aloud at all.

Haldir licked at his lips as he drank in the sight of the man before him. He looked tired, worn, and the sadness in his eyes was unmistakable. And then Haldir realized just how he must look, a shadow of his former self, scarred and aged, too thin, too pale, too far gone to even resemble the Elf he had once been. Using every bit of strength left in him both mentally and physically, he turned away, and drew the blankets over him, trying to hide from the beautiful, tear filled eyes he could so easily loose himself in. "Please, Faramir...I never meant for you to see me. Forgive me...you shouldn't have to remember..."

Faramir was so confused that for a moment he thought he might simply collapse from the weight of all the memories. He shook his head and pulled the covers back as his…lover…turned away from him. "I…I am the one who needs forgiveness…what…what happened? How did I escape without you? My memories…they…Gods, I have gone in a stupor for months, please Haldir look at me," he found himself begging, "I have gone so long not recalling anything about that time and now…now I remember it all so suddenly but…there are still pieces missing. I fell asleep in your arms and the next memory…I woke in the forest. How could I have left you?" He was crying harder now, heartbroken from how Haldir was practically faded away before his eyes and *he* had left him there in that damnable place for that to happen.

Long Elven fingers tugged uselessly at the blankets as Faramir pulled them away, and Haldir felt all too exposed before the man he loved so desperately. The ragged sound of that same man crying and the desolate sound of his voice, however, made him at least want to explain. "You...you didn't leave me," he said softly, letting his hand move over Faramir's. Though he didn't realize it, a bit of his strength had returned, and his breathing was easier. "I...made arrangements for your freedom. You were never supposed to remember, and you wouldn't have, had I not been such a foolish, selfish Elf who didn't have the strength to deny myself one last look upon your face.

Faramir frowned deeply, his chest physically hurting as he shook his head. "Never supposed to remember? Haldir…I've known for months something very important was missing from my memory, I have done everything trying to recall those missing months. I have felt such…sadness for almost a year now and now…now I know why," he whispered. "My mind may have forgotten you but my soul did not." He leaned down and brushed his lips again against Haldir's even thought he Elf seemed as if he might turn away. "You were not selfish, but you are foolish…why on Arda did you send me away? We were to escape together…."

Haldir knew he *should* turn away, but he simply couldn't. The touch of Faramir's lips was more than he had imagined and less than he needed. He couldn't lose site of the fact that he was dying, not to mention all that he'd done since they'd last been together, but, neither could he let Faramir live with the guilt that had suddenly settled around him. "I could never escape, not while Saruman and Dorvane lived." His fingers found Faramir's, and though he knew he was no longer the attractive and virile Elf his lover remembered, he at least felt comfortable enough to revel in his nearness for as long as it lasted. "Had I escaped, they would have tortured and killed my brothers, but I didn't want you to know that....I didn't want you to lose hope. So...I made plans with you, all the while knowing that I could never leave that place. There was no reason to deny you your freedom though...or your dreams."

"My dreams were with *you*," Faramir said shaking his head. "Haldir…I did not know of the threat against your brothers…but Gods…how…how did you manage it? Ensuring my escape? What was the price…was it this? What they did to you caused…caused this?" Faramir asked as he took in the drawn features. This looked nothing like the Haldir he remembered now, except his eyes…they were the only thing that seemed the same. Haldir seemed to cringe and his eyes looked so pained for a moment that Faramir felt a stab of guilt. "Gods, I'm sorry, you need rest…you can answer my questions later," he said softly as he reached up to unfasten Haldir's cloak. "I have asked the servants to bring fresh clothing and wash water."

Curling his fingers around Faramir's, Haldir tried to stop him from unfastening his cloak, but he still wasn't strong enough. "Faramir, you should take me to the forest and leave me...and try your best to forget all that you just remembered. It is best that way for all concerned." His hand tightened and their gazes met as he continued somewhat helplessly, hoping to avoid telling Faramir the truth about the price he'd so willingly paid. "And you certainly do not wish to see me like this. Things...things have changed. Too many things."

Faramir paused when Haldir struggled against him. "Changed? You travel all this way half dead…and now that I remember you…you wish me to send you away? You cannot tell me you do not love me if you came here to see me one last time…so what is this? Why do you wish to give up now that we are here together? Nothing…absolutely nothing changes how I feel about you. Yes…you do look different but…but that doesn't change the fact I love you. I loved you when I didn't even know you existed, I was heartbroken all this time without knowing why I lived in such a melancholy all the time, please, love…please stop fighting me."

//I loved you when I didn't even know you existed.// Haldir's eyes filled with tears at the sweet words, and he stopped struggling only to lie limply against the bed, too tired to argue and too tired to fight the gentle hands that moved so carefully against him. "You don't understand," he whispered. "If you knew...If you see..." He stopped, angrily wiped away his tears and jerked at his tunic, finally managing to tear the worn fabric down the front to expose the scars on his chest and stomach. "I do love you, Faramir...I love you too much to ask you to face *this* every morning or lie next to me every night."

Faramir was startled when Haldir ripped his tunic away and glanced down from his lover's eyes at his body. He winced in sympathy but did not cringe away. "By the Gods what did those monsters do to you?" he hissed and carefully began to peel off the torn garment. "Haldir, I am not disgusted by this…so you are scarred…do you think I only love what is on the outside? Do you think me that shallow?" Faramir asked softly as he managed to unfasten the cloak at Haldir's neck and carefully tug it from under his lover as well as the tunic.

Torn between feeling loved and frustrated, Haldir tried to push Faramir away, but instead found himself pulling him closer. His fingers curled in Faramir's tunic and he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "You are not shallow, Faramir, but...I am dying. Can't you see that?"

Haldir's words that he was dying were the only thing to give him pause. Faramir's eyes welled with tears again and he pulled the fragile looking Elf into his arms rocking him gently. "No…no, you are not going to die," he whispered sadly. "I won't allow it, not now…not now," he whispered brokenly. "We'll find a way…"

Faramir's arms around him again, his scent, he breath as it touched the Elf's skin and hair were the most soothing - and longed for - feeling Haldir had ever experienced. He felt a small surge of hope, but...he was fading. Even if Faramir could still love him, it was too late. Dorvane had taken too much, used him too often, and broken him too thoroughly. Hadn't he? "By the Valar, I wish there *was* a way," he whispered. Just as he started to wrap his arms around the Ranger in return, however, he heard a knock on the door and reached for the blankets. "No one should see me...see *us* like this. They will think you have lost your mind."

"They already think that," Faramir said almost laughing at the very idea. Ever since his return people had thought him strange to say the least. He didn't wish to let Haldir go but already the Elf was drawing away and covering himself. "I will not let them in…" he whispered. He tried to dry his eyes on his sleeve and wiped his hands across his face as he crossed the room and opened the door. The servant was holding a small basket and a cauldron of steaming water. He offered a small smile. "Thank you…please ask a guard to come to my door and not let anyone in, my…guest…does not wish to be seen right now and he is resting," he advised and the servant nodded their assent. If she thought it strange that Faramir's eyes were red from tears she did not make any notice of it. He returned to the bed with the supplies and sat everything on a small table near it. "She brought a nightshirt and also some very soft rags to clean with if you'd like…"

Haldir smiled and nodded. He felt a bit stronger, but was still too weak to even sit up. "Thank you. If...if you want to go into the next room or wait in the hallway, I will make myself a bit more presentable. I'm afraid I have already ruined your clean sheets, however. It has been a long while since I have had the energy or the desire to do much in the way of bathing."

Faramir frowned as he set everything out on the table. "In the hallway? Haldir," he sighed and shook his head. He felt as if he truly were going mad. All of those memories returning and now Haldir fighting him at each and every step of the way. "No." He said the word firmly and looked at his lover. He didn't recall a time he had ever actually said no to Haldir in the months they had been together before. "Unless you truly dislike the very notion of me touching you, I would like to help. You are far too weak to do this alone," he said softly.

Realizing he was in no shape to protest, Haldir sighed, a hint of amusement making his eyes sparkle as he looked at Faramir. "You are still stubborn I see," he murmured. "I am too weak, I admit that, but...Faramir, Gods, I don't want you to see me like this. The last year...the last year has been difficult. I missed you so much that I began fading - or dying. The wounds stopped healing, and...and I aged. Obviously. Can you not see that?"

"I see perfectly well," Faramir said softly, "but that does not change the fact I love you. Aged or not…scarred or not…Haldir, don't you understand that it is not your beauty I fell in love with, though you were beautiful then and you still are, you will not believe it but you still are…but I fell in love with the compassion you had, the sweetness that is in you still." Leaning down, Faramir brushed his lips against Haldir's sweetly. "Let me tend to you as you tended to me all those times…let me take care of you. *Let* me love you. And please…please stop saying you are dying…there has to be a way to stop it."

Despite himself, Haldir smiled at the sweet kiss, so easily distracted by Faramir's every touch. He avoided the subject of dying for now, unwilling to have Faramir's tears return, and lay back on the bed. "Let us get it over with then," he sighed. "But if you can still look at me when you finish, I ask only that you lay beside me again and let me rest against you. I've missed feeling you, guren...missed touching and smelling and tasting you."

"I did not know it but I missed those things as well, you have no idea what I have been like," Faramir said softly. "It was nothing like the torture you endured I'm sure but…but I did not feel…alive." He couldn't exactly explain how he'd felt or more accurately what he hadn't felt in those months. He carefully began to pull the covers back and started washing Haldir's face first, cleaning the grime from his time on the road away. As he encountered a scar or a mark on once unblemished skin, Faramir simply kept going. He did not dwell on each one he found and there were many. As he moved down his lover's chest he leaned forward and pressed his lips just over Haldir's heart. "And do not think you have gotten away with not telling me about the arrangement for my freedom…I need to know what you did for me, Haldir," he whispered. "But you do not need to tell it now."

Haldir was in utter bliss as Faramir cleaned him, though it took him some time to relax. Once he recognized that the gentle hands moving over him didn't hesitate and blue eyes didn't judge him, he slowly began to come to terms with the fact that if nothing else, his last days or weeks would be here with Faramir, and he would be loved as much as he loved. The kiss over his heart reminded him of the last one he gave Faramir before they took him away, and he smiled sadly, though even that smile was erased at the question that hung in the air between them. "The arrangement does not matter," he said, hoping to avoid the question all together. "What matters is that you escaped and they couldn't hurt you anymore."

Wringing out the cloth again, Faramir shook his head. "You are the master of avoidance are you not? The arrangement does matter because you were not scarred like this before I left. You'd been there eight years and had no marks on you…so I need to know what you did for me…I just…I have to know, Haldir. My own imagination could be far worse than the truth of it and it will torture me if not," he whispered softly. "As I said though, you do not have to speak of it now. I know it is uncomfortable for some reason, I can see it in your eyes but soon…you need to tell me soon. Instead, think of something more pleasant…you remembered the garden I spoke of when we were together. Do you recall what I said I wanted to do in that garden?" Faramir asked softly as he took one of Haldir's arms and washed it thoroughly, right down to his fingertips and in between each finger.

Thankful to have the subject dropped at least for now, Haldir almost hoped he would fade before he had to answer it. To overlook his scars was one thing, but to overlook the fact that he'd willingly spread his legs for Dorvane for the past year, that the other slaves mockingly referred to him as "Dorvane's Golden Whore," or that he would, without hesitation, make the same deal again were not things Faramir needed to hear. "I remember every single word you said to me," he said softly. "But tell me again so I can just listen to your voice."

Faramir smiled and began to speak of the wish he had that when Haldir came to Gondor with him, once they escaped they would lay in the garden beneath the sun and later the moon and stars and watch the skies as they held one another. He went on with another time he'd spoken of them dancing in the rain or making love under the cover of darkness when no others would be out to see them. The whole time he continued washing his lover, and then when he was satisfied with the job he'd done so far, Faramir pushed the blankets lower and started to unlace his lover's breeches and paused. "Will there be an argument about this too or will you allow me to finish the job I've started?" he asked smiling coyly.

Haldir frowned and regarded Faramir with one eyebrow arched. "There has never been any point in arguing with you," he sighed. "You always win. But don't say I didn't warn you, and don't be surprised to find that my body will still react to yours as it did the last night we were together. Even the mere thought of you could often do what that damnable submission ring could not at times when I was at my weakest."

Faramir winced at the memory of the submission ring and nodded. "I suppose you have not noticed how my body has reacted to yours then," he whispered taking Haldir's hand and bringing it to his lap to press against the hardness there. He swallowed hard and gasped just from that touch alone and smiled. "Will you no longer question your beauty to me now?" he asked softly. His face was burning hot with the boldness but he felt that Haldir needed now more than ever to know that Faramir still found him physically attractive. And he did.

Shocked into speechlessness by Faramir's obvious arousal, Haldir felt warmth filling his too-cold body from the inside out. He knew what he looked like to everyone - but Faramir truly had seen beyond that and still wanted him. Not sure how that was possible, he nevertheless was more grateful than he could possibly say. His hand lingered on Faramir's leg, his fingertips rubbing gently over his thigh. "You always did know how to make me feel beautiful," he whispered. "I...I don't mind if you continue. I just...I'm not sure I can...act on these feelings at the moment. I am still too weak...but Gods, I do want to."

Faramir shook his head and placed his hand over Haldir's. "Oh love I didn't mean to make you think…I would never place desire for you above your well being, I know you are weak, love. I just wanted you to know…that you are still desired especially since you seem so worried about what I see. All I see when I look at you is the Elf I love…the Elf I am almost glad I couldn't remember these last months or I would have been going crazy trying to find you…Gods, I truly would have been a mad man," he said softly. "But we are here now and together." Faramir leaned over and brushed his lips against Haldir's again, just a soft press of lips. "Now…I'll finish cleaning you…if you like and you can tell me what you'd like for dinner." Faramir hoped to keep Haldir talking, to keep him wanting to answer the next question enough that his will to live would somehow return just from that alone.

Haldir was truly surprised to find that not only was he aroused from Faramir's kisses, but that he was hungry as well, both states which he thought were well behind him at this stage of his life...or death, depending on how one looked at it. "You used to talk about the berries that grew behind the citadel," he smiled as Faramir began unlacing his breeches. "And the breads and cheeses you would sneak up to your room when you were little. Or the sweets you and Boromir would steal from the kitchens..."

"Did I talk of food that much?" Faramir teased as he began to carefully remove his lover's breeches. He knew Haldir was apprehensive about undressing him like this, so he kept his touches light and careful and made sure to keep his eyes often engaged with Haldir's as he spoke. He did take in the scaring on his lover's body and it simply made him want to weep to know he'd been hurt so badly but he did not show it to Haldir. He did not want him to mistake it for pity or revulsion. "I am sure that we have some wonderful things for dinner…food…has been quite tasteless over the past year but…I have a feeling tonight's meal will be wonderful, especially if you promise to share it with me…though I do believe you were going to be otherwise engaged," he grinned a little when he saw the confusion on Haldir's face for a moment. "Do you think I'll have to challenge Mardil for dinner with you tonight?"

Watching Faramir's face carefully as he undressed him, Haldir saw nothing but love and tenderness in his gaze even when he saw the scars on his legs and hips. His backside and the back were had borne the brunt of Dorvane's anger, and he dreaded having to turn over, since he wouldn't be able to see Faramir's face when he did so. The mention of Mardil brought a small smile to his lips, however, and he laughed softly. "He was not supposed to tell you about me," he said, shaking his head at the memory of the earnest young man's enthusiasm in helping him. "Though I daresay he will be relieved not to have to be seen with an ancient-looking Elf on his arm this evening."

Faramir laughed softly as he peeled the breeches off Haldir's legs. "He is a good sort though…always in trouble it seems but a good man. He had no choice but to tell though, my brother was ready to skin the poor boy for being late again. His heart clenched in his chest as he saw some of the scars but he tried not to let Haldir see any reaction at all. "I just happened to be in the room when he gave his report. When he said that an Elf was…" Faramir paused, "was fading and he had left him in my garden here…I had this unbelievable urge to come. Aragorn wished to tend to you himself but instead he went to the healers…oh likely he'll be here soon with herbs for you," he said softly as he set Haldir's breeches aside and began washing him again.

"Your brother did not punish him did he?" Haldir said, still watching Faramir's face, especially his eyes, closely. Before he could answer, however, the rest of his words sank in and he immediately shook his head, his fingers grabbing onto Faramir's tunic. "No. No healers. And no Aragorn. I have longed for your touch, Faramir and no other. I cannot bear the thoughts of anyone else touching me at all,..not even a healer. Please...just you, guren. Just you..." The strength he'd gained from Faramir's closeness quickly disappeared as he began shaking, only now realizing just how terrified he was of anyone else's touch. The memory of Dorvane's violence was still too fresh, and he was far too weak to defend himself. "Promise me you won't let them in if they come."

Faramir started to answer that no, Mardil was not punished but before he could do so it seemed that Haldir had spun into a panic from the very idea of anyone coming in to treat him. "Shhh, it is all right, love. If you do not want anyone else here but me I will tell them…please, calm down," Faramir said, setting the wash cloth aside and scooping Haldir into his arms. "You're shivering," he whispered tugging the blanket around the now naked Elf and held him close pressing gentle kisses against his forehead, hoping to calm him. "I won't let anyone come in here that you don't want in here, I promise, not even a servant," he whispered.

Haldir's arms wound around Faramir's neck and though he was ashamed of his weakness, he couldn't seem to stop shivering. He could not have fought if Dorvane himself were to walk into the room and try to reclaim him...he was simply too weak, too exhausted. Burying his face against the warmth of Faramir's neck, he bit back a sob and tried to keep his teeth from chattering from the very idea of anyone else seeing him like this, touching him, hurting him. "Not...not even a servant," he repeated softly, knowing that Faramir was as good as his word and that no one else would touch him. Still, he couldn't seem to stop shaking. "Lie down with me? Just for a while? I promise we can finish this later. Right now, I am just so very tired,"

Faramir felt his heart break at how frightened the once confident and strong Elf was. Haldir was clinging to him and Faramir simply wrapped his arms a little tighter and toed off his boots as he shifted to lay down in the bed next to him. "Promise you'll stay with me?" Faramir asked worriedly knowing just how weak his lover was and sensing that Haldir truly wanted to just give up even now.

Calming as they lay together and strong arms held him close, Haldir started to protest that that wasn't a promise he was sure he could keep. His appetite was now gone, and the thought of having to eventually tell Faramir the truth about his agreement weighed heavily on his shoulders...and was not something he looked forward to sharing. But the memory of tears in those beloved blue eyes only a short time before made him reconsider his words. "I will try," he whispered, moving as close against Faramir as he possibly could. "I promise I will try."

Faramir nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around his lover, careful not to hold him *too* tight because he still seemed so incredibly fragile. "I love you, Haldir…and I promise nothing and no one will ever hurt you again," he whispered. "Rest…stay with me and rest and we'll…we will figure all of it out later and find a way to…to save you." Faramir pressed his lips against his lover's forehead and he refused to loosen his hold even for a moment. He had so much to sort through, so many memories he had yet to have a chance to explore (not entirely sure he wanted to remember some) but Faramir knew he needed to think and needed to sort out what to tell both the king and his brother before too long.

Haldir closed his eyes and curled his fingers in Faramir's hair as he concentrated on the feeling of finally, blessedly, being back in his lover's arms. There was no saving him, he knew that, but just like when they shared their dreams of escaping the farm, Haldir couldn't bear to tell Faramir the truth. Though now that they were together again, even though it had been a mistake, the fading Elf couldn't help but wish there was some way he could live now that the one person he lived *for* was back in his life. "I love you," he whispered softly, pressing a kiss against Faramir's neck. "Never forget that, no matter what happens to me."

"Nothing is going to happen, except of course, you are going to get better and live happily ever after with me," Faramir said softly, though a bit more confident than he felt at the moment. He feared Haldir might be right but he would fight for him…if he had to fight the Valar themselves he would fight for Haldir. "Now rest, love…just rest," he whispered and felt Haldir starting to relax against him. Gods, how would he explain this? How would he tell Boromir where he himself had been for those three months? He sighed heavily and pulled Haldir as close as he could without hurting him. Faramir was still too overwhelmed to sleep but he could lay awake and hold Haldir and assure himself that his lover was still breathing.

"Happily ever after sounds nice..." Haldir's last words drifted off as he fell into a deep sleep, his exhausted body overriding his will to stay awake and savor his time with Faramir. For the first time in months, he slept without dreams, and though he relaxed, he never relaxed enough to completely let go of his lover, even in his weakened state. They were together again, even if it was, if even if was only for a few days or a few hours, and Haldir's heart was peaceful once again, as it only ever was when Faramir was next to him.

~~*~~

Haldir slept soundly in Faramir's arms as the young man tried to sort through all the various memories. How they met, their first kiss, how they supported one another through rape and torture. It was all so horrifying and Haldir had been his light in such a dark and evil place. He still needed to know about the 'arrangement' just for his own peace of mind though he doubted it would give him much peace. Haldir it seemed had almost sacrificed his life for Faramir's freedom and he needed to know. He wasn't about to say that he didn't need protection and he knew deep down that was what Haldir was doing. No he wasn't fool enough to believe he could have survived that place for terribly long but Haldir should not have made whatever bargain he did to save him. Not if this were the result.

Though one thing was different, Faramir felt again for the first time in almost a year. He felt alive and each soft breath from his lover or tiny movement of Haldir squeezing closer to him was absolute heaven. He did not know what had been missing all this time, why he was so sad and depressed and now…he knew.

He also had much to explain to his brother and the king. Faramir had carefully slipped out of bed, making sure his pillow he slept on was tucked against Haldir so he could feel safe and went to the door to speak to each of them. He didn't explain everything just that the Elf was someone he knew and someone who did not wish for others present during this horrible time. Aragorn had given him herbs and sent him food and Boromir had merely looked at him even more strangely than he normally did these days. But at least they relented. The cold foods Aragorn sent, Faramir had set aside and crawled carefully back in bed with his lover.

Faramir slept off and on himself though not needing nearly as much sleep as Haldir did it seemed. It was almost after noon the next day before he felt the Elf in his arms begin to stir.

Haldir was still incredibly weak, his fading slowed, but not halted, though the smile that touched his lips came easily enough when he realized that the arms around him were Faramir's. His hand, which had been curled against his lover's chest, moved enough to let him run his fingers over the broad expanse of muscles before him and he gave a soft little sigh of pure bliss. During the night, he'd fussed with Faramir's tunic and to his great relief, Faramir must have removed it, because when he awoke, his cheek rested just above the strongly beating heart that had so captured his own with no fabric between them. "I missed this," he murmured, gingerly stretching sore muscles, but staying close to his lover. "Waking up like this, feeling you next to me..."

Faramir was smiling as Haldir moved against him, loving the feeling of his body against his own that way. He hadn't known what he had craved all that time but now that he did he wasn't about to give up. Haldir was *not* going to fade beyond his reach if he had anything to say about it. "This past year I have had trouble sleeping but I did not know why. I would sit for hours at night in my balcony staring into the garden or off into the distance not knowing what it was that I missed so much. I thought it was just not being able to remember that was bothering me so very much, but now I know I was heartbroken and just did not know it at the time," he whispered. "I am so glad to have you back in my life, Haldir. There are not enough words to say how grateful I am."

Haldir let his hand trail up to trace over Faramir's dear face, the sadness evident in his blue eyes. "I'm so sorry. Part of...of our agreement was that you wouldn't remember. The last thing I said to you was that I wanted you to remember that you were loved...but I never meant for that to make you sad. I honestly didn't think you'd remember enough *to* miss me but...but at least it's better than what would have happened if you'd stayed. That...that was killing us both."

"No…don't be sorry," Faramir whispered and turned to press his lips against Haldir's fingers. "You did what you thought was right, you were trying to protect me just as I would have liked to have protected you. I am not saying it *was* right, I am saying I can't blame you for it," his voice was teasing a little but he looked at Haldir seriously. "I…I wish you would tell me what you did though. I know…I know Dorvane, desired you greatly, the way he looked at you…"

Haldir's eyes darkened at the mention of Dorvane's name and he looked down, letting his hand return to Faramir's chest, where it lay still again. He wasn't sure how much time he had left, and he couldn't avoid the question forever, he knew, though Gods, he wished he could. "I...I only offered him what he wanted most," he said softly, hoping Faramir would let the issue drop, but knowing that he almost certainly wouldn't.

Faramir lay there for a moment as Haldir spoke, thinking about the way that Dorvane had always looked at Haldir, and the way he seemed to absolutely hate Faramir. Dorvane had been jealous of their relationship, had wanted Haldir but…he'd had him so many times. It didn't make sense. "What do you mean? He already had you."

The lines on Haldir's face tightened, but he forced the words past his unwilling lips, though it was one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do. Though this had been his decision, he knew Faramir would feel guilty about the way it had ended up; no matter that he'd had no chance to go along with or rebel against Haldir's plan. "You...you must understand that watching him hurt you tore at my heart every day," he began, shivering at the memories of their time together. "But when he almost killed you right in front of me, I...I knew I had to get you out or he *would* kill you and I would die shortly thereafter from the grief of losing you." The Elf took a deep breath and looked up at Faramir's face, wanting to see his reaction, telling himself that the disgust he would see there would make his fading easier for them both. "And so, that day that he took me, and I returned a short while later unharmed, I...offered to be his...lover in exchange for your freedom. I offered to do whatever he asked, to never fight him, to never argue. He wanted me to make him believe I wanted him, to prove that I could do this, and so...he kissed me, and...may the Valar forgive me, but...I kissed him back. I made him believe and the next day, you were free, just like I had wanted."

"You exchanged your body for my freedom?" Faramir said sadly, he wasn't hurt by it or disgusted as Haldir was thinking. He couldn't believe that Haldir had done that but not because it was so appalling but knowing what he was getting himself into with that vile man and he still took the risk for Faramir's life. "Gods, love, I am so sorry. I am so sorry," he whispered and kissed Haldir gently, not realizing how confusing his reaction was to Haldir.

Haldir was taken completely by surprise as Faramir kissed him, too startled at first to even return the gentle pressure on his lips. He managed to lift his hand and rest on the side of Faramir's head, fingers curling in soft, dark hair as he finally, tentatively pressed his lips forward briefly before pulling away. "Faramir, there is nothing for you to be sorry about, but...but you understand what I am saying, don't you? I was...I was Dorvane's whore. How can you want to kiss me knowing that?"

Faramir shook his head. "No you were not his whore. You did what you felt you had to do with the only thing you had to bargain with, the only thing that you had of value was yourself. I understand that, you were not his whore and you were not his lover because…you didn't love him. You did all of this for me, Haldir…Gods, how do you think that makes me feel? I feel horrible for putting you in the position you felt you had to do that. It is *my* fault you had to do it at all. If it weren't for me you would have still been in your cell when the war ended, you would never have started fading," he whispered.

"*You* didn't put me in that position, Dorvane did," Haldir said with a strength he didn't know he possessed any longer. "And if it weren't for you, I would have missed out on the only light I have known for nearly a decade, Faramir. So don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. Everything that has happened to me the last year - no, the last 10 years, has been worth it, even though we only had a few short, bittersweet months together. The *only* thing I regret is the pain you suffered during that time."

Faramir was shaking his head in disbelief. He still felt badly for it but he could not change the past but he could try to build a future with Haldir if there was only a way to stop his fading. "Then can I regret what you went through? Because think…think of yourself in my position and how sad it would make you to know I gave up so much for you," Faramir said softly. "Did…did you think I would stop loving you because of this? Is that why you were afraid to tell me?"

Shifting uncomfortably under Faramir's steady gaze, Haldir looked away and contented himself with watching the rise and fall of his lover's chest. "It isn't that I thought you would stop loving me exactly," he admitted after a moment, "it was only that I have changed so much, and I no longer feel worthy of having you love me. I feel...dirty. Used. You deserve better than that. That is why I honestly never meant for you to know I was here. I only wanted to look at you once more before...before the end."

Frowning as Haldir looked away from him, Faramir reached out and tipped Haldir's chin up gently, his thumb brushing over his lover's lower lip. "You may feel those things but they are not how I see you. Do you know what I see when I look at you?" He saw Haldir shake his head slightly and Faramir smiled. "I see a brave and selfless Elf who put his love for me above all else, you endured…Valar only knows what by the scars on your skin. I see someone who has the purest and most honorable heart I have ever known…that is something even they could not take away from you, Haldir. I see the Elf I love and still wish a future with," Faramir finished his speech with a soft kiss against Haldir's lips, this time licking gently against his lower lip until he was granted access and he kissed him deeply, exploring and remembering how much Haldir's kisses made everything feel better.

Haldir's eyes filled with tears as Faramir described how he saw him, despite knowing what he'd done. He certainly didn't see himself that way, but at the moment, it didn't matter...all that mattered to him were those sweet, soft lips that he'd missed so terribly, and the gentle embrace he wished he could stay in forever. His mouth opened for the man he loved and his eyes closed, causing the tears to stream down the sides of his face unnoticed. Moaning in pleasure as Faramir gently licked and tasted every corner of his mouth, the Elf's now thin arms wrapped around Faramir's body and held him close with all the strength he had. After long, perfect moments, he let his tongue dance with Faramir's, licking and teasing, memories of their previous kisses making him forget everything that had happened in the months since.

When Haldir reacted to his kiss and began kissing him back, Faramir sank into him, pulling him closer and letting his hands roam along his body. It tore at his heart to feel the scars under his touch but he never hesitated never pulled away. They were a sad reminder of all that could have been lost or even happened to himself. He kissed the Elf he loved until he was dizzy and breathless and drew away smiling. "All I want is for us to be together now…for us to make a life just like we planned….I still want to make you my husband if you'll have me as yours," Faramir said breathlessly.

Blue eyes widened as Haldir pulled away, breathless and panting from their kiss, surprise evident in every line on his once youthful face. "Your...you husband?" He repeated the words softly, savoring them, loving the way they felt on his lips, and the way they sounded in the otherwise silent room. It...it might still be possible, if a true bond was in place, but Haldir had been so close to taking his last breath for days now, he felt sure it was too late for even a bond to help him. Yet, he could see the hope and sincerity in Faramir's eyes and knew that nothing had truly changed over the past year, at least as far as their feelings for each other went. "Faramir, I would love to be your husband," he whispered honestly. "But...I am terrified that it is too late, that my fear and weakness kept me away from you too long and that...I would die on our wedding night. I cannot put you through that."

For a moment Faramir was silent and took a deep breath before he began. "I would rather have one night with you then as my husband than a lifetime without," he said softly. "I mean that…and if there is a way to…to stop the fading….Aragorn said that sometimes it can be reversed but only when there is great love involved. I think we share a love greater than anything I have ever known and I am willing to take that risk. I cannot just let you go…not now. Do not ask me to do that…I cannot."

Haldir worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment and knew that, had their positions been reversed, he would have had the same hopes and dreams, and no amount of scars or argument would change his mind. "I wish I had gotten here sooner," he whispered, "but if you are certain...and if you feel you can make love to me in the state I am in now, there might be a chance. We...we should hurry though. I know it sounds ridiculous, but, I would love to be married to you before we make love. It would make me feel less...unworthy."

Faramir was confused. Yes, he still desired Haldir but what did making love have to do with getting married? Well, beyond the obvious wedding night everyone speaks of but…he shook his head. "You have me confused…I…why do we need to hurry to make love, you are still weak…I don't want to hurt you, love," he whispered. "I am sure the king can marry us easily enough, right here in this bed if you like but….but…I am confused. I want you…don't get me wrong but…"

"When Aragorn said a great love could save an Elf, he meant a bond," Haldir said, letting his fingers rest lightly over Faramir's lips to quieten him. "A bond is a lifetime commitment, more than a marriage, more than a promise. It is not all that common between a man and an Elf, but it has been done before. If...if you are truly willing, there might be a chance to at least stop the fading if you bond with me...and seal it by making love. It would mean you could never be intimate with another, though, not even a kiss; and that we could never be parted for long or we would both die. So...I ask only that you think about the consequences before you agree. Otherwise, I think..I will be gone in a few days at most. You have given me strength, - had you not found me, I would have died in the gardens - but I am still fading."

Faramir listened carefully, taking in everything Haldir said and was nodding before his lover's fingers dropped away. "Then we shall be married and bond right here. I will never stop loving you, Haldir, even with my memory erased I could not stop longing for you. I want to do this, immediately if you wish it too. I will not force you but it will pain me to think you chose death over me," Faramir grinned just a little then, letting Haldir know he was teasing him.

Unable to suppress a laugh, Haldir's eyes sparkled with amusement at his lover's words. "Then, as much as I hate to let you go, I think you have a wedding to plan," he advised. "I would help, but...I think I will not be leaving this bed for a few days. I just...please, for now, only let those necessary see me and be a part of this. Maybe one day, if I do get well, we can have a more formal ceremony, but for now, I simply don't think I am able to bear the looks or the pity."

Faramir took both of Haldir's hands in his own and kissed them gently. "I promise, only the king will enter, and you will not need to get out of bed," he said softly as he crawled out of bed. "I am just going to ask the guard to fetch him," he explained. He opened the door and spoke to the guard that had been posted there in case Faramir had need of anything. He explained that he needed the king as soon as possible and then stepped into another small room for just a moment. When he returned he was holding a small box. "These were left to me by my grandfather for when I married," he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed and tucked the covers around Haldir just a little more. He held out the small wooden box and smiled. "I suppose I should ask properly…Haldir, will you marry me?"

Haldir's smile was brilliant as he looked up at Faramir, his answer already clear in his still sparkling blue eyes. His hand was shaking now, the strength he'd gained from Faramir's nearness and his slumber now wearing thin, but he reached out and curled his fingers around his lover's. "It would be the greatest honor of my life to be your husband, guren," he whispered sincerely.

Faramir was smiling just as brightly when Haldir's hand closed around his. "I love you," he whispered as he carefully untangled his fingers to open the box revealing two silver rings with the trees and stars of Gondor on them. "These will tell the world that we are married…we have no need of an announcement or public ceremony, these will be enough if that is what you want," Faramir said softly. He set the rings aside to wait for Aragorn's arrival and brushed his lips against Haldir's sweetly. "My brother will think I've completely lost my mind…I have much to explain to him in the coming days…but I promise he will only learn what he *needs* to know and nothing more. I know…you were ashamed to tell even me what happened and I will not embarrass you, love," he whispered reassuringly.

Nodding gratefully at Faramir's promise, Haldir felt his eyelids drooping again already, the excitement of the last hour finally taking their toll. He hoped and prayed to the Valar that they would give him this chance, that the fading he had almost welcomed when he saw no way to be with Faramir could be reversed… that he wasn't too late. "Aye, I would no like anyone to know my shame," he agreed. "It is enough that you have to live with it. I wish I could make you forget that part of my past as easily as Saruman made you forget about your time at that farm." He suddenly remembered that he hadn't told Faramir one of the most important events of the last months...and almost laughed at himself for overlooking such an important fact. "Dorvane, by the way, is dead. So if you had any thoughts of sending your men to find him...it is far too late."

"I had intended to ask you earlier in fact but…but I worried that too might have been difficult for you…in your weakened state…how did you manage it?" Faramir asked, truly believing it was Haldir who finally ended Dorvane's pitiful existence. It was true if the man were not dead he soon would be.

"He died when Saruman was killed," Haldir explained. "He was a slave to the wizard much as we were slaves to him. I only found that out later, after he died. The leather bands around his wrists were as good as the submission rings he forced us to wear. I think...at one time, he may have been a good man, but Saruman's influence over him, and his desire for power, destroyed the best parts of him. He...he freed me as he lay dying, and seemed almost sorry for all he'd done. I watched him take his last breath, and wondered what he could have been like had he not been enslaved as well." The Elf's eyes moved around the room and he saw his small pack lying on a table by the door. "There, in my pack, is Dorvane's journal. You should read it. It will help you forgive him. It helped me, to a degree, though there are some memories...and scars... I can never stop blaming him for."

"I doubt I could ever forgive him," Faramir said softly. "Not after what he did to you, if you were his 'lover' then why did he scar you so much? No…no I don't care what Saruman's influence was if he were a good man at all he would not have done those things," he said shaking his head and refusing to believe that anyone like Dorvane deserved forgiveness of any kind.

"The scars...he grew frustrated at me when he saw that I could not stop thinking of you," Haldir frowned. "He tried to be gentle with me for a while, when he realized the scars weren't healing but one day, he realized that I was beginning to fade, and it threw him into this rage. It has only been during my last months with him that he really hurt me, all because I had never fallen out of love with you." The Elf looked up and met Faramir's gaze, a solemn look in his eyes. "Once, after he was particularly rough, he waited until he thought I was asleep, and...he sounded almost remorseful. It was the memory of that, plus something he said at that end - that he was free too now - that made me stay with him while he died, and wonder what kind of man he could have been."

Faramir frowned deeply, unable to believe the horror that Haldir had been forced to live with for almost an entire year. He was jealous of Faramir, always had been and used even that against Haldir. Regretting it all did not excuse his past but being controlled by Saruman…if that were truly the case then it was Saruman who was the true villain. He recalled how Theoden had been under Saruman's control as were others. "If he was truly controlled by Saruman then…then perhaps he did have real regret, though I am still unsure I could forgive him. You are kinder than me I suppose," Faramir said softly. He reached out and tucked Haldir's hair behind his ear and smiled just a little as a knock sounded on the door. "Are you truly ready to marry me now?" He asked reaching for his robe and carefully wrapping it around Haldir and helping him slip his arms through the sleeves. Knowing how uncomfortable he was with even him seeing his scars.

Haldir pushed all thoughts of Dorvane away and turned his head to press a kiss against Faramir's hand. "I have been ready to marry you for a long, long time now," he smiled. "Help me sit up before you go? I refuse to marry you while I'm lying flat on my back, even if I am too tired to sit up by my self."

"Of course," Faramir said smiling and leaning forward to help Haldir sit up. He brushed his lips against his lover's and held his face in his hands for a moment. "Thank you for saying yes," he said as he sat back and then proceeded to tuck blankets and fluff his pillows until he seemed satisfied with the result. The knock sounded again, more impatient this time and Faramir smiled. "I better get that," he said backing away and heading for the door. When he opened it Aragorn was giving him a worried look.

"You said I was needed urgently, is…is the Elf alright?" Aragorn asked surprised the creature had even lasted the night.

"He will be," Faramir said softly. "We want you to marry us."
Gray eyes widened in shock and his mouth literally gaped open as Faramir let the king into his room. "Excuse me? Marry you? I know you said you knew this Elf but…marry them? Faramir, are you intending to try to use an Elven bond to save him? That only works when there is great love involved…" Aragorn stopped short when he glanced at the Elf in the bed. Faramir had not told him who it was and for a moment the king thought he was seeing things. Those eyes…he knew those eyes, but no…no it wasn't possible.

"Yes, we know this, Aragorn…I do love him though and he loves me. Haldir and I are lovers or…we were…I told you last night it is a very long story and we are short on time. Haldir wishes to be married before we bond, it…for his own reasons it is important to him," Faramir explained as he sat down on the edge of the bed and took his lover's hand. "I even have rings."

Aragorn stared at the aged Elf and shook his head. "Haldir," he whispered. "By the Gods, I thought…we all thought you were dead…for years now…"

Haldir remembered Aragorn well, though it had been years since they had seen one another. He gave the king a tired smile, knowing that the shock of seeing him looking so...different would take a moment to register in his mind. "Aragorn, my old friend, I *will* be dead if you do not hurry," he gently admonished the still-gaping man. "If it makes you feel any better, just know that Faramir and I planned on being married long ago...so he is not doing this *just* to save me. We are merely fulfilling a dream we had when we were together all those months everyone thought Faramir had been lost."

Aragorn startled just a bit when Haldir said that he would be dead if he didn't hurry and shook himself. It was starting to make some sense now at least…though not as much as he'd like it to. "You both have *much* to explain," he said stepping to the end of the bed.

"We know," Faramir said smiling just a little. He too had reacted when Haldir spoke of dying but his reaction was to take his lover's hand tight in his own and squeeze gently letting him know he wasn't about to let that happen. "Here are the rings," he said setting them on the bed before them. "Do…we need anything else?"

"Normally a witness," he began and saw Haldir pale even more and shook his head, "uh, I doubt anyone will doubt my word though," Aragorn said shrugging.

"I doubt so either, Sire," Faramir said nodding. "We prefer to keep this extremely private for now…please…do not even tell Boromir, I'd like to break the news myself," he said softly. "He'll be angry that he wasn't asked to be here," he warned Haldir.

Clinging to Faramir's hand almost desperately, Haldir looked back at Aragorn and then at his soon-to-be husband. "We cannot leave your brother out of your wedding," he said firmly, overcoming his desire to just crawl under the covers and hide from everyone but Faramir. "If this works, and I do live, then I do not want to have him resenting me for making him miss his only brother's wedding day. Send for him, guren. We have time enough for that."

"Are you sure?" Faramir asked carefully, knowing that Haldir did not wish for anyone to see him in his current state. When Haldir nodded, he looked up at Aragorn. "Will you do it, I'd rather stay here with Haldir and lend him as much strength as I can."

Aragorn nodded quickly. "Yes…yes of course…" he practically babbled and went ot the door and grabbed the guard posted there. He told him to find the steward and send him here immediately at the kings request. The guard left quickly and scarcely before Aragorn could return to the couple a knock came. "Gods, that was faster than I anticipated," he said smiling at Boromir.

"I…I was just down the hall. I saw you come this way and…followed because I feared…has the Elf passed?" Boromir asked worried about his brother.

"No, but you'd better come inside," Aragorn said as he practically pulled Boromir into the room. He tried his best to explain everything before they moved further into Faramir's bedchamber but almost immediately Boromir blurted out the word "Married!?" so loudly that Aragorn startled.

Haldir, who had been resting his head on Faramir's shoulder, smiled faintly and tried to sit up straighter, grateful when his lover helped him. Of all things, he didn't want to get off to a bad start with Faramir's brother. He was too tired to explain everything, but knew they should at least know the basics. "You must be Boromir," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I want you to know that I love your brother very much...and have loved him for a long while now. When you thought him missing, he was with me, in a vile, terrible place neither of us wants to discuss at the moment, but we fell in love. It has taken us this long to find one another again, so...please understand that this is not simply a whim." His little speech had nearly worn him out and he leaned heavily back against Faramir. "Please, Boromir. Give us your blessing. I promise we will explain more later, when there is time."

Boromir's outburst was met with the softest and weakest voice from the Elf, he could tell it was taking a lot out of the poor thing just to speak and he looked from him to his brother. The Elf looked old and worn and Faramir was young and healthy…it…seemed so…strange. "Fara?" he shook his head in disbelief.

"Please…Aragorn might be able to explain more to you and I promise, as soon as I can, I will tell you everything I have remembered. I told you last night my memory had returned and that I knew Haldir…I just…I just did not explain our relationship," he said softly. "It is important we do this…now. Before it is too late."

Boromir straightened when Faramir spoke that way and he nodded. "All right then…if…if this is what you truly want."

"It is." Faramir spoke the words with finality and Boromir shrugged.

"I'll um…go with the extremely abbreviated version," Aragorn said looking at the pair.

"That would be highly advisable, I think," Haldir murmured hoarsely, unble to even keep trying to stay sitting up. Intead, he settled against Faramir, shivering even in the warmth of the room and wondering now if they should have just bonded first and married afterward. But no...he needed it this way, needed to offer himself as a husband, not a whore; a new life ,a new title, a new standing. "We are both ready, I think, Aragorn. Please...please hurry."

Aragorn nodded seeing just how close Haldir was to fading completely before their eyes and began. He moved to the bedside and put their hands over one another and spoke quickly. "Faramir do you take Haldir as your husband?"

Faramir answered quickly. "I do." Aragorn held up one of the rings. "Place it on his finger." He looked earnestly at Haldir. "Haldir do you take Faramir to be your husband?"

"I do," Haldir whispered even as Faramir slipped the ring over his finger and Aragorn offered him the other. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely slip it over Faramir's finger, and he sighed in relief when his soon-to-be husband helped him.

Faramir was quick to offer Haldir help as his hands shook and he looked worriedly from his lover to Aragorn.

"I now pronounce you married, you may kiss and seal the bond," he whispered. Aragorn bowed his head for only a moment as the pair kissed and he moved away from the bed, taking a dazed Boromir's arm. "Come to my study so I can explain…"

Faramir barely noticed that his brother and Aragorn had left the room, he was too caught up in the sweet kiss he was sharing with his new husband to even think about anything else. His arms pulled Haldir closer and he hoped they hadn't been too late.

Haldir smiled in relief as they were left alone again, and Faramir held him so carefully. "I know I am not the most appealing creature you have ever been in bed with," he said only half teasingly, "but I want you to make love to me. We need to hurry, and I'm not sure I can even do much this first time, so don't worry about my pleasure, not now, but...I will grow stronger if you take me quickly. All you have to do is let your faer - your soul - reach out to mine as we make love. Imagine two lights, one bright and one dim, meeting in a dark room and, as you watch, they both grow brighter, stronger as they meld together, making one light bright enough to light up an entire city. If our love is strong enough, our faers will be as one, and our bond will be complete."

"You are appealing to me," Faramir said softly and smiled at his description. It was beautiful and he was certain that their love would be strong enough. "Are you sure…I won't hurt you?" he asked worried at how fragile Haldir looked. When Haldir shook his head, Faramir pulled him close again and began kissing him, lightly at first, then deeper, letting his love for Haldir pour through him, remembering all the times they made love before and how much he'd truly missed Haldir without truly knowing it. The longing and pain of the last months he'd felt was nothing compared to what Haldir had gone through and a wave of protectiveness washed over him. Never again would *anyone* hurt Haldir. Never again. Carefully he drew back from the kiss, feeling himself growing aroused just from that, and began unfastening the robe he'd placed on Haldir earlier. Then his hands made quick work of the clothing he was wearing as well, tossing it aside in the floor, and his lips almost never leaving Haldir's the whole time.

Though Haldir could barely move, he was enjoying Faramir's kisses immensely. "Gods, your kisses are even better than I remembered," he murmured, managing to lift one hand enough to let his fingers run lightly over Faramir's chest before dropping back to the bed. "I have always thought your kisses tasted like the sweetest summer melons. It is good to know that some things never change."

Faramir smiled, and brushed his lips yet again against Haldir's. "And yours like honey," he whispered as he drew the covers back and reached for the oil lamp and dipped his fingers inside. "I don't want to go too fast, but I know our time is short. Please…please tell me if I hurt you," he whispered as he slicked himself and ran his hand down the front of Haldir's body tenderly. "Gods, I'm nervous," he laughed a little and leaned down to place a gentle kiss over Haldir's heart.

Haldir's eyes were half lidded as he watched his lover and smiled. "Don't be nervous, guren," he whispered. "Just love me like you did before. That's all you need to do." His leg spread wider in invitation, though each movement made his body feel even more exhausted, as if weights had been tied to his arms and legs. He realized just how close he was to fading and struggled to stay conscious. He didn't want to hurry Faramir, or make him more nervous, but he could tell time was running out. "I can't feel much of anything right now, so you won't hurt me, don't worry."

"You mean, love you like I do now," Faramir whispered in answer. When Haldir moved so slowly on the bed and then spoke again, Faramir's heart broke and he nodded, knowing they hadn't much time left. Quickly he prepared himself and then slicked his fingers as he shifted between Haldir's legs. Carefully he coated his lover's opening and then pushed inside gently one finger at first to coat his passage and began stretching him, carefully but as quickly as he dared knowing time was short. He worried that the urgency of it all and the fear might actually make him lose his arousal but he focused on their old memories together which were new to him again. Focused on their last night together and after a few moments he was ready. "I love you," he whispered softly as he began to line up against his lover's body. Slowly, Faramir began to sink into Haldir. His body was not as warm as it should be and the thought pained him immensely as he watched his lover's eyes. "Stay with me…my husband," he whispered sadly, tears gathering in his own eyes, as he saw Haldir's eyes threaten to close. "Please, Haldir, love…stay with me."

Haldir sighed softly as Faramir sheathed himself, having truly felt little of the preparation, his body was becoming so numb. The solid length within him, however, focused him, made him feel pleasure in a way he hadn't felt since his last night with Faramir. Each time Dorvane would take him, Haldir's shame and disgust would grow, eating slowly away at his soul, taking him apart bit by bit. As Faramir took him with so much love and tenderness, however, he felt his shame lessen and his breath come a bit easier. His body put up no resistance and quickly molded around the flesh inside him. "My husband," he repeated, smiling sleepily though a part of him he'd thought long dead slowly began to stir. "Aye. I will do my best to stay with you. We have come too far for me to fade now...and I think you promised me forever."

Faramir nodded as Haldir spoke. "Much too far," he whispered in agreement as he began to slowly move within his lover. He didn't wish to hurt Haldir in any way and was unsure what if anything he felt right now, or if he was even in pain. He looked so incredibly fragile to Faramir that it frightened the man to his core. He could not lose Haldir now, not after he remembered their love, not after he remembered all they had endured together and not after Haldir had come so far…had despite the odds beaten both Saruman and Dorvane simply by surviving this long. He leaned down and brushed his lips gently over Haldir's, giving his love and warmth that way as he settled into a slow rhythm and opened himself up to his lover. He focused on what he felt and tried to share it with Haldir, hoping that somehow his weakened faer would recognize and grab hold of it somehow.

The happiness Haldir felt at finally seeing Faramir again after so long paled in comparison to the incredible bliss of being one with him again. He had placed a kiss over his lover's heart on their last night together and promised him that he would always be loved...but Haldir had known that from that moment on, there was no one left to love *him*. Faramir would never remember, his brothers, family and friends thought him dead, and Dorvane wanted nothing more than to possess and hurt him. The Elf had been able to find comfort only in his memories of Faramir, and every day, he'd been terrified that those very memories, like Haldir himself, would began to fade, and he truly would have nothing. Now, however, as Faramir kissed and moved deep inside him, he could feel the very air around them had changed. All the love and comfort he'd been denied both before Faramir had come to the farm and after he'd left it, all the love and comfort he could have ever imagined, now wrapped around him like a warm blanket, gently taking the broken parts of his faer and carefully piecing them back together. "You...truly do love me," he whispered softly, wondering how he could ever have doubted. His inner muscles twitched and lightly squeezed Faramir's length, though he still couldn't move the rest of his body yet. "Scars and all, you love and want me, despite everything I've told you."

Faramir smiled when Haldir spoke and he gave him a quick, happy kiss even as he continued to move within him, gasping from the light squeeze of Haldir's muscles around him. "I do," Faramir whispered. "I love you, everything about you, everything," he whispered softly. Faramir continued to move, slowly, though his body was starting to naturally pick up the pace a bit, out of desire and need. Though Haldir's sex had remained soft between them, Faramir's hand reached between them and began stroking gently, wanting to offer at least some pleasure if he could. "I want you, but it is more than just desire, Haldir. I want you as my partner, my lover, my husband, my equal, as the other half of my soul," he whispered against his lover's lips.

Ever so slowly, Haldir's strength was beginning to return and the coldness inside him began to thaw. It would still take him long weeks, if not months to recover he knew, but he could feel it...he could feel their bond healing him. He moaned softly as Faramir touched him, and to his surprise, he felt himself begin to grow aroused. The feeling of his lover - no, his *husband* - moving inside him combined with the words whispered between them and he felt his sex begin to swell and harden. Though it was difficult, he lifted one hand to rest on Faramir's hip as he moved. "That is all I have wanted for so long now," he whispered. "It was the one idea I could hold on to to keep me strong, even when I felt sure it could never happen."

Feeling Haldir's body seem to come alive again under his own, made Faramir's heart trip in his chest. He could feel his body growing warmer, could feel his arousal begin to grow against his hand and Faramir smiled in relief and happiness. "You no longer have to fear or worry," Faramir whispered softly. He could feel his own release beginning to build with each slow thrust and Faramir angled his hips, wanting to bring Haldir pleasure as it seemed the Elf was starting to really *feel* again. His own heart was so relieved he could almost feel as if he might float away from the joy of it. His lips captured Haldir's in a kiss that deepened quickly, his tongue exploring lovingly as his body and hand continued to move. //I have loved you in my dreams so many times but I never knew it was you. Now that I know I am never, never letting you go.//

The bond that had slowly brought them together and had begun healing the Elf as only true bonds could ever do joined not only their bodies and souls, but their hearts and minds as well. Haldir heard his lover's words as clearly as if he had spoken them. //We will never let each other go. Not again. Once was more than enough.// Even as he thought the words, he knew Faramir would 'hear' them in his head. His lips, happily, were otherwise engaged in their kiss. Faramir, unlike Dorvane, needed no submission ring to arouse him, even in his nearly dead state. His hips shifted on the bed and the hand on Faramir's hip moved across his back, drawing him closer, though there was still no strength in the gesture, not yet. He was stunned by the kiss, by his unexpected arousal, and by the sheer force of love and light between the two of them. As his prostate was suddenly nudged, his entire body twitched in response and he moaned into the heat of his husband's mouth. //Come with me, guren. Seal the bond forever and come with me...//

Faramir was slightly startled when he heard Haldir's thoughts inside his own mind, but Haldir didn't let him draw away, he continued kissing him and even began to move with him. Faramir realized that something amazing had just happened between them, something he was sure few on Arda had ever experienced before. A true bond. His movements sped slightly and when Haldir moaned into his mouth that way, Faramir felt his own sex twitch in reaction. //Gods, yes, love.// He answered, never drawing away from the sweetly passionate kiss. His hand moved faster on Haldir's sex as he began to thrust faster into the gripping heat of his lover's body. It was as if a warm comforting breeze washed over them both and Faramir felt as if his very skin was being tickled. He opened his eyes for only a moment and it seemed as if the room was glowing and light sparkling around them. A moment like that might frighten a man but somehow Faramir knew this was something special that was happening to them both. His body moved faster against his lover's. //Coming, love.// With one last deep thrust of his hips, Faramir spilled deep inside his lover, crying out against his lips and the entire room seemed to flash brightly for a moment.

With more strength than he ever dreamed he possessed at the moment, Haldir's back arched up off the bed and his body opened even further to his husband, accepting his release completely even as it triggered his own. He spilled over the hand that was still stroking him, his sex pulsing and jerking in Faramir's hand, his seed covering both their chests and stomachs as he cried out softly. The bond between them was strong, stronger than he'd ever seen or heard of, and he knew that it had, against all odds, saved him, perhaps saved them both. As he collapsed back onto the bed, he was boneless and exhausted again, but kept his arm around Faramir's waist, silently pleading with him not to pull away just yet. //It worked. I am still so very tired, but...it worked. You will not be a widower anytime soon, guren.//

The feeling of Haldir's body moving to meet his own and seeming to welcome him, drew out Faramir's own release. He was shuddering uncontrollably by the time they both collapsed against one another. His body remained where it was, enjoying the way Haldir's muscles continued to move around him, milking his sex and making him tremble with aftershocks. Faramir leaned up on his elbow, trying not to crush his lover but did not draw away just yet. The tears he'd fought to hold back finally spilled as Haldir spoke of him not being a widower and he kissed him sweetly unable to even think of a word that could be said beyond how much he loved this Elf. Kissing him sweetly, Faramir remained in place, his hands mapping over his lover's exhausted body and he smiled when he saw the light that had gone dim in Haldir's eyes before was now back. "You should rest," Faramir said softly.

Haldir nodded, his eyes already drooping as he fought off sleep for a few moments longer. He leaned up and kissed away his husband's tears, tasting the salty wetness he had tasted before, when they were both slaves to Dorvane and Saruman, and had shared their tears even then. Those tears, however, were of pain and heartbreak while these...these tears were sweeter, borne of happiness and relief. His hand fell back to the bed even as his eyes closed, and he tried in vain to lift it back, needing Faramir to stay close. //Don't move. Please, stay with me, just as you are. I need to feel you...// Before he could even hear Faramir's response, Haldir was unconscious again, though this time, he was in a deep healing sleep, pulling away from death, not drawing closer to it.

Faramir smiled softly when Haldir kissed his tears away. The action seemed to be the final straw for the Elf though, exhausting him completely and he watched as his husband lay back against the bed, a more serene look on his face than before though. Faramir leaned down, hearing the words inside his mind through the connection they had forged and smiled "I will be here, always, my love," he whispered. His sex was softening though and did slip from his lover's body so Faramir rolled them so that the much lighter Elf was on top of him rather than his body crushing his lover's. //Rest my love…rest and heal. I will be with you.// Faramir lay caressing his lover's back and shoulders, his fingers combing through once shining and vibrant hair and thanking the Valar for this gift.

~~*~~

As the weeks passed by, Haldir regained his strength and some of the vibrancy he had before. His hair returned to almost the shimmering shade of light gold that Faramir remembered only a few strands of white amongst the silken threads. And though not all of the scars faded nor all of the lines on his face faded from his ordeal he no longer looked like quite so ancient a being. It would not have mattered to Faramir if he had though. He loved his husband unconditionally.

Once they ventured from their rooms, they stayed close by them, mostly in the garden because Haldir had missed the sunlight so much during his captivity. One day when Boromir came to visit, Faramir asked that Mardil who had asked about Haldir several time be promoted to their personal guard. Faramir had been named Prince of Ithilien when the king was crowned but had yet to take up his duties. First of them was to assemble a guard that would travel with them when they oversaw the reconstruction there for both Elves and men.

This day found them yet again in the gardens enjoying a small picnic under one of the large shade trees. "Do you feel up to a ride this afternoon?" Faramir asked as he laid slices of melon on a plate for Haldir.

The Elf lay on his back, his head resting on Faramir's lap as the sun warmed his skin. He regarded his husband with sparkling eyes for a moment, then nodded. "I think that would be lovely," he said, sitting up and reaching over to tangle their fingers together. After so many months of not being able to touch Faramir, Haldir found himself reaching for him often, though he still shied away from any other's touch, and sometimes still, from their curious gazes. "Where would you like to go?"

"I thought perhaps you might want to visit Ithilien with me…see what work has been started and you can give me advice. I am afraid some of the Elves on the council have been so happy that we are building this place that they have not really expressed what they truly would like and I trust your opinion," Faramir said softly, letting his fingers slip between Haldir's and smiling when their wedding rings clicked together. "We do not have to do it today though…if you rather just ride to the river, I know of a lovely place where we could be alone and swim," Faramir said offering Haldir a choice in case he wasn't quite up to seeing the workers that would be there.

Haldir worried his bottom lip for a moment and stared down at the ground. As mate to the Prince of Ithilien, he would be seen...and noticed often. There would be gatherings and councils, courts and dinners he would be expected to attend. Faramir had never seemed ashamed to be seen with him, despite the fact that he didn't look as any other Elf had. He'd recovered to a remarkable degree, but anyone familiar with Elves would notice he was different from the others. Taking a deep breath, he looked up and met Faramir's gaze seriously. "I would be happy to visit Ithilien with you...if...if you are certain. If you'd rather I stay here though, until...until I at least recover a bit more, i would understand."

"I would not have asked if I were not certain," Faramir said smiling just a little. "Haldir, I am proud to be your husband and proud for everyone to know and see how much I love you," he whispered. Pulling Haldir just a little closer, Faramir brushed his lips against his husbands. "I did not wish to force the issue is all…I do not want you to be uncomfortable, but…I think you will like it there. If…if you do…I was thinking. Well…my presence is not really needed here in the city now that the reconstruction here is almost complete and…Aragorn has mentioned more than once that it would be better if I were in Ithilien…but I do not want to move there unless you want that too."

Haldir's thumb brushed over the back of Faramir's hand as he spoke, and he automatically moved closer, as always, craving the comfort and reassurance only Faramir could offer. Though he was getting more confident and stronger ever day, he would, he knew, rely on Faramir to keep him whole for the rest of his days...no matter where they lived. "My home is with you," he said, looking out over the gardens in the direction of Ithilien. "And, as Prince of Ithilien, it is only reasonable that you live there, so...I am ready to move whenever you are. Perhaps starting over, without all the curious stares of the people who wonder why I showed up one night and married you only hours later, would be a good thing for us both."

Faramir nodded, knowing that he himself had many questions from councilors and old friends after their marriage was announced. His answer had simply been that he and Haldir had been in love for a very long time but due to circumstances and the war they had been unable to be together. Once they were, they decided there was no reason to wait to marry. Most had accepted the story easily; others had given him strange looks but held their tongues.

The only ones who knew the truth were Boromir and Aragorn and young Mardil knew bits and pieces since he had been the one to find Haldir and heard him talk of a lost lover and saw how close he was to death. But the three of them had not spoken of it, they said it was Faramir and Haldir's story to tell when others asked.

"And my home is with you and if you do not like it there, I wish you to be honest with me," Faramir said softly. "Promise me that? Promise me that you will give me an honest answer? I do not want to live somewhere you are not happy," Faramir said bringing Haldir's hands to his lips and kissing them gently.

Haldir's smile was much like the smile of the Elf of old, back before he was signed to a contract to serve Saruman. "I promise. And you, my husband, must tell me what is expected of me as your mate. I want to make you proud, and though you know I am still a bit uncomfortable around so many people, I do plan on fulfilling my duties." A hint of his old humor made his eyes sparkle. "Though you should know that I reserve the right to hang the first person who calls the Prince's husband a Princess up by his toes..."

Faramir laughed heartily knowing that Boromir had come close on one occasion asking what Haldir's title was to possibly having that fate until Aragorn had tactfully intervened. "All I expect is for you to love me, really," Faramir said smiling. "I suppose there are some things…protocol of course but you are not required to do any of it if you do not wish to. There will be some dinners or meetings that we will be invited to as a couple but as I said you do not have to attend if you do not wish it. I know you still aren't comfortable with all the gossip that happens at those things. I grew up with it and I am not exactly accustomed to it myself," Faramir said leaning back against the tree behind him and pulling Haldir into his lap.

Haldir settled back against Faramir and closed his eyes. "If we are invited as a couple, and you are sure you do not mind...well, the way I look now....then we shall go as a couple." He turned his head and pressed a kiss to his lover's neck, snuggling closer as his voice took on a teasing tone. "Besides, I think I shall have to guard you from your adoring public. I hear many men are attracted to power, and once the people of Ithilien see you, they will flirt, and I will have to cut off their hands or....other parts, and...it is just better if I am with you and keep you safe from all that so you can concentrate on your duties. Safety first, and all that..."

Faramir frowned when Haldir spoke of the way he looked. "You look beautiful, Haldir, and there is no where I want to be without you by my side," he said softly and then found himself laughing at the rest of what Haldir said. "You are a jealous Elf hmm? Well, they can flirt all they want because the only person I have eyes for is my husband," Faramir said softly as his arms wrapped tighter around his lover and he pressed a kiss against his temple.

Haldir laughed softly and settled against his husband, knowing that he would never, ever tire of feeling his arms embracing him. After they had both been through so much, he was amazed that he could still feel safe and loved, could still crave anyone's touch as he did Faramir's, and amazed that Faramir felt the same way, though he had been tortured and used as well. He turned and wrapped both arms around his lover's neck as he curled up in the inviting warmth of Faramir's lap. "I love you, my husband," he said softly, smiling as he felt the familiar, but not uncomfortable gaze of Faramir's brother, as well as Gondor's king upon them. "And I want all the world to know just how much...especially those two men watching us from Aragorn's balcony. I think making you proud in Ithilien is a good start to that."

"You already make me proud," Faramir said smiling and glancing up toward the balcony Haldir spoke of. He offered a smile to his brother and saw him nod his head in recognition. "And I think they know I love you and that you love me, and I think they understand better than any could how close we came to not having this," Faramir whispered softly. "And…I forgot to mention that you will at least have a friend in Ithilien," Faramir began and saw Haldir look at him curiously. "I have asked Mardil to be part of our personal guard…particularly yours. He…he thinks a lot of you, I think. If I was just a little less confident I might even be jealous of the boy."

Haldir kept his face buried against Faramir's neck as he relaxed in his arms, but laughed softly when he spoke of Mardil. "Well, he *did* practically carry me to his horse and to the gardens afterward," he teased. "Though I think he was simply afraid this old man he'd found outside of the tavern would die on his streets and displease the king." His face turned serious, however, as he continued. "Had it not been for him taking me there, and telling you of a fading Elf, we would never have found one another. Could we...reward him somehow? With a title or a small dinner or something? I want him to know how much I appreciate all that he did."

Faramir smiled. "His kind heart was a blessing for us both, he was so often in trouble for stopping on his way back from patrols for one reason or another…but so often it was simply to help someone. Boromir granted him the promotion to the guard from patrols but…if you trust the boy's judgment to be sound…he's green yet but…he could be a captain of your guard. I can think of no one better than someone who cares about the people he protects," Faramir said twisting a lock of Haldir's hair around his finger.

"I do trust his judgment," Haldir said without hesitation. "I am feeling better every day, and I will work with him every chance I get to make him stronger and faster. I will teach him lessons only the Elves generally know, and he will be the best captain in Ithilien." He chuckled as he pictured the young man's face, which always seemed to be a bit flushed from hurrying. "And we will work on having him leave earlier so that he has time to stop and help people *and* be on time."

Faramir laughed softly and pressed his lips to the hair he'd wrapped around his fingers and then to Haldir's cheek. "Then he is the luckiest captain of the guard I can think of," he smiled pulling Haldir just a bit closer and taking a deep breath. He felt content and whole. In the time that he had lost his memory, Faramir had felt adrift and as if a part of him was missing but now, he felt whole and most of all loved. "Part of me is looking forward to the plans we've made this afternoon and another part…would rather lay here and nap with you in the garden," Faramir teased.

Haldir finally managed to stir after a moment and reluctantly pulled away from his husband. "We could always go to Ithilien now and nap in our new chambers to get a feel for them," he suggested, knowing that their quarters were among the first that had been finished and were waiting for them. He'd heard of the decorations and furniture that had been ordered as he'd lain in bed recovering, but had never really realized they were for Faramir and himself. "Why don't you tell Boromir, who is still watching us, by the way, to see if he will ask someone to pack us an overnight bag. By the time we saddle the horses, it should be ready and we can be on our way...home."

Faramir smiled and nodded. "That sounds like a wonderful plan," he said though his mind slipped to more than merely napping in the room as he watched Haldir start to slide out of his lap. "Remember, love…you do not have to move there if you do not like it…but I must say it is beautiful there. Less…crowded and surrounded by woods like where you lived before. It is why the Elves liked it so much…I just…I hope you like it too. If you do not, as I said, I do not mind just traveling there by horseback to oversee my duties," Faramir said as they started to gather everything back into their basket. He glanced up where Boromir was and waved to him, gesturing for him to come down so he could ask him about the servants and tell him of their plans.

"I will like it," Haldir assured his husband, thinking of the other Elves that had settled there. They would be surprised at his appearance, he knew, but would understand once they saw the obvious bond between Faramir and Haldir. He was silent for a moment as they nibbled on the food and folded their blanket. "Perhaps some of the Elves might know of my brothers. I know Lothlórien is now deserted, but...knowing Rumil and Orophin, they made a name for themselves *somehow* before they sailed or...or were killed." He was saved from dwelling on his brother's by Boromir's appearance. "Hello, Boromir," he greeted his brother in law with a smile though he instinctively moved closer to Faramir as he always did in the presence of others.

Faramir frowned deeply when Haldir said his brothers may have been killed but had no time to react when Boromir walked up. His arm slid automatically around his husband's waist and he smiled in greeting. "We decided to go to Ithilien today. We…we are thinking of spending the night there to see…well to see if we are ready to move," Faramir explained and Boromir began to smile.

"That is wonderful news…not that I wish you to go…but…but the king has wished many times that you would take up your role as the Prince," Boromir said smiling.

"I know," Faramir said nodding. "I wanted to wait until I was sure I wanted to do this and…wanted to make sure that Haldir had no reservations. We'd like to leave immediately…would you ask a servant to pack a few things for us and they can bring them to us in the stable…I also need to find Mardil," Faramir said as he smiled at Haldir beside him. "Seems the boy has been given another promotion."

Boromir's eyes widened. "Another?"

"He is to be captain of Haldir's guard," Faramir explained.

Boromir narrowed his eyes for a moment and looked at Haldir. "But….Haldir you know he is very young…are you sure? He…he is a kind boy but…just that, still a boy, not one to protect the House of Hurin and Prince Consort…you are not just any Elf you know," he said worriedly.

Haldir shrugged at Boromir, though there wasn't a hint of doubt in his eyes at his decision. "I trust his instincts and his kindness," he said simply as their gazes met. "Who better to protect me than someone who has already saved my life once?" Before Boromir could answer, the Elf continued. "I will work with him, make him stronger and faster, make him a better, more seasoned soldier. This is not a decision I have made lightly, Boromir. I have been thinking of talking with Faramir about this for some time, for not only will Mardil be protecting me, but Faramir as well. You see, since we bonded, our lives are entwined. If something happens to one of us...the same will happen to the other, be it injury or death, so I swear to you, Madril *will* be the best soldier in Ithilien, the
best among all Men. I would never chance anything else where Faramir's well being is concerned."

Boromir had almost started to argue again but then stopped as Haldir went on. He took a deep breath and looked at his brother for a moment. "So be it…he is no longer under my command anyway. I'll go talk to the servants," Boromir relented easily. He had no stomach to argue with the Elf after he'd seen what he went through just to survive the very marriage ceremony that day in Faramir's chambers. He knew their love was something he would never quite understand fully but accepted it as he accepted any other fact.

As Haldir had spoken though, Faramir's reaction was far different. He realized in that moment just what their bond meant. It saved Haldir for now but as Faramir aged and passed so would Haldir. He had never considered it before and he suddenly pulled Haldir into his arms as his brother left he gardens. "When were you going to tell me?" Faramir asked softly, searching Haldir's eyes.

Long arms wound around Faramir's waist and the Elf shook his head. "There was nothing to tell," he whispered. "My life is yours, just as my last breath is yours. Had I faded that day, I would have been reborn. No matter what life I was given, I would have spent it, all the eternity of it, searching for you, guren, whether I remembered this life or not. This is as it should be. We will live our lives together, pass as one, and go to wherever mortal faers go after death...together. I will not let anyone or anything - not even death or the Valar themselves - part us again."

Faramir gasped as Haldir spoke and nodded knowing that if roles had been reversed he might have felt the exact same. Still he hugged Haldir closer and kissed him sweetly, then deeper until they were both breathless. "I will never allow you to spend one moment of this life you chose with me unhappy…I promise you, my husband," Faramir whispered. "Come…we should go to the stables before the servant beats us there."

Haldir smiled and slipped his hand into his husband's. "Nor will I let you be unhappy," he promised as they walked toward the stables side by side. The memories of his years at the farm would never completely go away, nor would the memory of his time as Dorvane's lover, but day by day, they faded, overpowered by the unwavering love and support from the only man he would ever love; love and support given so freely, not once, but twice in their lifetimes.

Little did they know, as they walked toward the stables, that the Valar looked down upon them and smiled, blessing them both at that moment with extraordinarily long lives as mortals, and an eternity together in their afterlives, where they would go just as they were now, side by side and hand in hand, two beings made as one by a bond as almost as strong as the Valar themselves.

The End.